Things To Talk About....
1) Nic And Nathan (yum)
2) Greggers
-how I should understand
-how he doesn't understand
3) Beth...
-with the things that she did to me
-the Kyle picture
4) Bunker And Becky
-how it ends up that he always treats me like shit when we're together
-how they are always together, and they treat everyone else like shit
5) Holy Shit, Where's My Break!?!
6) Courtney...
-How I haven't talked to her in forever!

1) Aww, I saw Nic's brother today, and I just sat there in love with his brother because I figured that's as close as I'm going to get to him, and that kind of sucks, but I guess that's okay...for really. Anyways, yeah...so I totally like Nic, still and I think that as long as I can remember him, and as soon as I see him, and as soon as the memories of him smelling great all come flooding back, I'm going to remember how great of a person he is and that's going to suck for me, becasue I don't want to still like him, but I know I always will..doesn't that kind of suck, because well you know, you totally want to be with this persona nd you know you can't and that totally sucks and everythign. I mean that. I wish someone knew what I felt like, he was my best friend that I fell for and I left and now I can't have him, and it hurts in some ways. I mean that. I don't know what to do about everything with it. It's soo crazy and everything. I don't know...
2) Greggers! (I'm doing this in outline form that way I can get everything! I need out!!)
-For some reason I feel inclined to know how Greg feels. Like I should know why he's like that and everything, but I don't. And everything, just because we are more like the same person doesn't mean anything. I mean that. I don't know anything about the boy, I love him to death, and I would give anything for him to give me a chance to understand and make sense, because it just really sucks. I know the techniques he uses to protect himself and everything, because I did the same thing. To shield yourself from everyone else, and make it so they can't understand you, is completely normal, because if you don't let anyone see what you're really feeling, then later they can't use that against you, and then they can't see how frail you really are. At least that's what I get from it, and if that's wrong, so be it. At least I tried really hard for everything to make sense and everything. I mean that. Other than that, I wish that he just let me understand. I really do. I mean that, I wish he had enough trust in me to be able to tell the things I may need to know that way I can totally help him. I know that he may not want help from me, but I just wish he also knew that I would totally up to helping him in any way that I could...even if that's just listening and being there for him. I don't think he understands how much it hurts every time I see him like that. I just wish there was a day when I could be like...Greggers I love you when you're all perky...because you are one of the most amazing people I know and everything, and stuff, but no...I'm scared that he'll take it the wrong way and I know that he would. He'd be like...you're just like the rest of them and you don't understand why I'm like this and blah blah blah...but also he doesn't understand that he never gave me the chance to do it. He's never going to either and it sucks. I just want him to understand me and be able to trust me, but I don't think that's going to happen and it hurts me. But he doesn't understand anyone else's pain but his own, and that makes him blind.
3) Beth
-I'm totally in love with her, like she's my best friend and everything and what not, and well, it's kidn of hard for me to say this and everything, but even though with all of my friends, they know that I'm easy to push around. And Beth bluntly said to me that she's anti telling people what to do, but