That's all I'm saying, you'll assume it's about you and I can tell you no as much as you want and you'll assume that I'm lying to you.

Next Topic.
You. Do you know what you did to yourself? You only called when you wanted something. Stupid. Why did you have to be like that? Now that you're "with her" again (which makes no sense under the present circumstances) you won't call me or acknowledge me? What. The. Fuck. Honestly girl? Who do you think you are to just be like: oh I miss you and I want to see you again? And then after a girl, that you said you wanted to stay away from her, you come back and say stupid shit like you did and you're all hunky dory now? What. The. Fuck. again. I'm really glad I didn't come over. You're such a freaking false hope. I love you to death, but I can't consider you a friend. I mean You deserve a lot more shit than you get. You're still young and you do undstand alot. And you are smart, but you don't do "The Real World" right. You aren't what you think you are. You're just You. and you aren't you a lot; this angers me a lot, because you deserve to be everything you want to be. The way you're going, you're what? At a Freshman status? Probably. You don't go to a public school and you're homeschooling is going to be no more than jack shit. So, you're going to be a Freshman again this year, problably accomplishing nothing. Yeah, I admit I've got my own schooling problems, but at least I graduated and went to school and attended a public school and didn't have a problem with any of the things that I did. You don't understand do you? You're not going to get into the school that you want to with

You're the most positive confusing ever. That's all I have to say. I don't really post anymore. I don't find the interest in it anymore. I mean I want to, then I'm like: ugh, no I don't like to post anymore. My "long" posts aren't even that long, which is really weird, because I dunno why, but they are...hmm...kinda strange. Anyway, I'm going to actually attempt to do my Soc. project for really for truly because I need to get it typed and what not and show that I actually know something. I really need to know something. Geez.
holliejo :)

This is all I can say without worrying or whatever...I don't know what to do. I really don't. I want to just be like: hmm...it was fun. Just like you said it was. But, I can't just say that. I really can't.

I never really post anymore. I guess my life is to "busy" to do something like this. But, then I never really write either. I'm just not in the mood to do it. But, then I get all of these compliments on how well I write and what not and that confuses me highly. Because I don't expect all of this to be like this. But, anyway, so I'm sitting here thinking about how everyone and their uncle is going to be in my room all the time. It pisses me off highly because of everything. Anyway, so I was going to attempt to be a good student. Right? Right. And I honestly don't think that is going to happen. I mean I can go to class and all of that, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to start to study and what not. Yeah, maybe review my assignments and all of that and do something here and there, but not do anything really. I mean, what the fuck. Why don't I have more writing than this yet? I feel like I've been writing forever? Huh. Anway, back on subject. So, I really do doubt that I'm going to be doing homework and shit, because I just don't find it very useful for me. There's something that is bothering my eye and it's going to look as if I'm crying. Anyway, so then I'm sitting here talking about...waht was I talking about...oh classes and homework. I don't do homework. There is no reason for me to do homework. Although I really have to read...shit.

Anyway, I was home this weekend. Not "home" but it will do well enough for me to count as home. I mean my gram's has always been my home. I mean not my first home, but my second, and a close one at that. But, my mom's was always home and I wish I could have spent the weekend there, but what can you do about it now? Anyway, so I'm sitting here thinking about how much I messed up this weekend. Not anything about boys, or lies, or anything, just friends. I realized how much we are different and how we're never going to get what we had back. Hell, I don't even know if what we had was real, but it seemed like it. You and I are so much different with so much in common. It's really weird sitting here talking about this, as I just now realize it. I don't like admitting to all of this stuff, but you have to in the end. Anyway, so after all of that. I don't know what else to say. I can't say I'm sorry, because I most likely won't mean it at all. You know that as well as I do. So, that's where we stand now. You and I lost that "special" touch a long time ago, and it's too late to start trying to rekindle (spelling) whatever we "had" back.

Anyway, I was home this weekend and that was the best part of the month. No, not really. It feels so right to be back home. I mean certain times and what not felt really right, like this is where I'm supposed to be, but other than that no. Not really. I mean I was with my Gram and everything was stressful and full of confusion and anger for me. I mean I was with my brothers and they stressed me out more than anything, because I wasn't used to have them around very much. Everything Gram commmented on was negative and not very thought about. I mean whoever said that wisdom comes from old people had to be old, because old people have no freaking clue sometimes what they are talking about. Times are changing and what not and it's really hard to make sense about everything. Anyway, so yeah. That's that. Everything else was just as stressful and what not. I mean I had so many things I wanted to do, but my Gram doesn't understand that. I offered money and all of that, she freaked out and wouldn't do it. I don't understand anything about her. I mean sometimes I just wish that I could have a different Gram and Grandpa I mean things would be so much easier. Yes, I appericate everything the both of them have done for me, don't get me wrong, but oh my gaw I'm home one weekend and they treat me like shit because I'm home. What the fuck? Tells you how much they care about me, yeah hey? Anyway, so I guess I'm doing better than expected in class and what not. But, my one course might not count for shit, which really pisses me off. I can't fucking believe that shit. And what not. And then the whole guy situation I'm really confused off my ass because we talked about all of that and what not. And then I don't know. I'm soo happy to be back home. It feels more right than wrong. I guess I shouldn't call it home or anything, but I can call it my home away from home. I don't know.

I saw Manda this weekend. Right? Right. And everything that I thought kind of disappeared because I seriously thought that we were/are drifting apart. I realized that we are just growing up and apart at the time, but once we see each other, we are still really close and all of that and we have nothing to worry about. She is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Anyway, so even though I felt like we were drifting as soon as I saw her I felt normal again. Like we picked up right where we left off, it was just that we forgot to tell each other stories and shit like that. So, that's how we caught up. I mean it wasn't that strange or anything. Courtney on the other hand, I felt the same way, but she and I are growning apart from each other. It's nothing bad or anything, it's just that I can feel us drifting. We're going in the same direction, just not really. I don't know how to explain it. She's a great girl and I love her to death.

I'm going to class. I can't skip anymore classes. I just want all of you to know that. I'm not going to skip anymore class. Again. Unless it's really really needed, then maybe. This is all.
holliejo :)