Saturday, July 24, 2004
Have To Buy Sharpies Today!
When I think of you, I feel like I'm floating on air. You make me light headed and dizzy. You can make me high just by saying hey you! (cause that's what you always do) I seem to be thinking about you all the time. Baby boy you are soo damn fine! (sorry that was a song) But, for really now. You do something that others can't and I love you for that. You leave me speechless. Instead of talking you bring tears of joy to my eyes. You make me smile. I miss you so much, and I know that I can't have you. And deep down I wish that I didn't love you soo much, because it hurts not to have you. I dunno what we are gonna do about this, but you have no idea. Maybe it's better this way. Or maybe I'm gonna lose you, something like a butterfly. You try so hard to catch it, so when you do and you realize how beautiful it is, how much you want it...it flies away, never to return. You lost it forever. It's just a memory. Or maybe you'll see something like it and think of him. So, for me...I can't lose this one. At least that's what I think. You see, he's different than any boy I've ever known. I've never felt this way. I know what love is...or what I at least think it is. And this is it with so many other things built in. You have no idea. He's my best friend, but I love him soo much. He's great...and I love it. I don't compare other guys to him, because they would always lose. There's him...then there's everyone else. If I ever do get a boyfriend (which is a long shot, by the way...lol) they are gonna have to see that this boy is always gonna be here in my life...and to not feel threatened...much. I know that he'll be happy for me when I get one...because I'm happy that he has a girlfriend, but there's still a ping of jealously inside of me. He's great and I'm just happy to have him in my life, you know?? There's only one of him and I hope that I get that one in the long run. And I can only hope that he feels the same way about me. My heart is out on a limb and I'm trying to get it back, but no matter what...he's always gonna have some part of me now. Because that's what happens. He's got me hooked...
Five Weeks Tomorrow
What are you supposed to tell someone that you love to death that you want them soo bad, but you know that no matter what you can't have them, even though deep down you know that in someway they want you to?? That's where I am. And no longer can any of my friends do anything about it. You're all gonna have to get over the fact that I care about him ever so much. Because, well I really do. And I don't think that he is gonna try and hurt me, this time around. I just don't see it. I really don't.
Okay...so Five Weeks Tomorrow. Yes, that is the time in which I have here in Richland Center/I wish Sextonville/Ithaca. It is all there is to it. No standing down. I'm leaving, this has been a plan for the last four years. To leave whatever hell I had behind and just pack up and leave. Little did I know that hell wasn't all that bad. I have friends that I would take with me anytime, but I know that I can't. This is the hardest time in my life. There's been some tough times, but counting down. That's just really scary. Why do I have to be like this?? I should stop questioning my life and what it is. Everything happens for a reason. And the fact that I'm leaving that was planned far before anything. The friends, dare I say got in the way??, they did though, but for good reason. They made me realize and helped me through anything and everything. Without them I wouldn't even be here today...and if I was here, by chance, I know that I at least wouldn't be going to college. I love all y'all to death, specially Amanda, Courtney, and Ashely. Amanda, she's already promised to keep in touch, and well Courtney you have nights and weekends, so get used to calling me. Ashley, well you have a cell phone?? too right?? Or I'm gonna expect you to email me!! Cuz well you better and that's all there is to it!! Because I said so. I know that I'll be fine. Please stop telling me that!! I'm no longer worried about what is going on with being fine. I'm now excited and scared, that's what I am...now...nothing else as hard as it seems...just don't worry for me...I'm gonna do it, if I have to pay back school loans until I'm 80...this is me now...and won't be me tomorrow...tomorrow I'll be paying back until I'm 50!!
Well...so...I'm here and you are there...what is that supposed to mean?? I have soo many things about that!! But, yeah if my brain is correct it is too early. But, if I'm right then...well then I'm right. For really now, I had something to say...aww yes, I may actually may be doing something today/afternoon/evening. I'm not sure what to call that, but i know that I may be doing something, so that is awesome if I must say so myself?? Don't you think so?? Of course you do!
I haven't blogged in forever...I feel that Blogger Services will take my blog away and all I'll have is a stupid myspace or hi5 blog. But, yet I seem to advertise? Crazy me...oh well...you all love me and that's all there is to it!! Haha..but yea...I love my blog, and I just wish that I had something more to write in it all the time...I'm never writing in it anymore, and that bothers me, you know?? Like I used to post everyday...and be like: post post post post. Stupid summer for making me addicted to the internet, and letting me just avoid my blog, I do think that they should force me to write something in my blog...guess I should make it my homepage again...then I would be great...hmm...considering this highly...and you know this...cuz I love to write! I do love to write, I love to write about anything and everything, because well I just do, and what not. Well I'm beginning to babble and I must take a nap already this morning, cuz I don't think being up for an hour and then going back to bed counts...or does it?? Hmmm...I have no idea...so I'm saying: I'm going back to bed. And taking a nap. This is going to be posted on: hi5, myspace, and first and formost: Blogger. I love my blog and get over copying and pasting lik I'm gonna have ideas at 10 in the morning...give me a break. I can barly function my fingers at ten let alone make up three post
you love me and you know it
holliejo
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Need To Read Harry Potter Over
It's come time to start the wonderful reading skills I have back up again...I used to read till the wee hours of the night, now all I do is wait for stupid people to log on so I can annoy the fuck out of them...hmm..must learn to stop this before I go to college. Well..it's nearing the time that I am going to college and I'm not sure that I have some eleven thousand dollars to go...I mean I know that I have to...because this is the one thing that I've looked forward to all my life, but that doesn't mean that I have doubts..everyone can have doubts that's just the way it is. I don't like you...sorry...I'm thinking about someone then writing about other things...I really don't like this person...anytime I say his name or just think about him...oh boy do I hate him...he's just ugg...that's how I feel about that...so yeah...I have to go to college that's the way it is. Everyone has to go to college. I have no idea what I'm talking about...basically I'm sick of this computer cuz all I do is log on and spend useless hours of my life in front of it. I used to just use it to blog..but that all changed. damn me to hell
Haha...
I haven't blogged in forever...you prolly think that I have left you no not really just been out of it...for a really long time oh well..I like this new thing...I had to get used to it...will someone please give me 11, 660 dollars...I need it for school...
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