You are the greatest person in my life right now...you are the person that let's me go and see the world...without question. You are the person that just makes me really happy. I love you for that. You have no idea. You just do. You let me...be me. Basically you have put up with me since Sept. and I love you for that. You are great. I miss you sooo much. And I know in the end I'll end up with you...it is only a matter of time I know this.

I love you so much...you wouldn't believe.

Well...I have something to do today...I'm really super nervous about it. I have to take my Driver's Skills Test...I'm super nervous. I don't really show it, but it is there. I dunno. I'm really super worried and I don't want to be. I dunno. I'm feeling this one guy...I dunno I'd bet anything Stefan will/would be super pissed about it. But, whatever...I haven't talked to him in three weeks...I mean I know he cares and I know that it is getting to the point that he is going to be home, but you know...that doesn't really mean anything to me. I mean, I love him so much...but we aren't going out and we aren't going to be together for the time being...it is just one of those things and I'm pretty sure that he realizes this too. I mean he was the one to tell me about it. But, this guy he is superb to. I mean, he is super nice, he's really smart, and he gots it going on [he has really hot shoes]. No it isn't the *all-star* b-ball player everyone might get from the description. Fact is...he isn't all that hot, but he gots it going on. He is really super nice and stuff. I know Stefan is prolly like: "Oh fuck" but yeah...get over it. I'm still going to be here...and I'm scared to prusue anything...so I guess that is what is going on. I'm just going to tell you all about it, because that is what my blog is for. So, now I guess I sould say some superb things about Stefan: I'm always going to be here for you. I'm always going to be your friend. I'll always care. I'll always...everything. I just care and you should know this. But for right now...I'm going to set you on the back burner because that is what I need to do. Okay? I'm really super sorry. I just can't worry about you sooo much. You are there I am here. You know? I know how many times we have discussed this. BRB...Back. Sorry. Anyway. Stefan...we don't know where we stand we just are two people that want something in life...but we don't know how we are going to get it...so we turn to each other, maybe because we are best friends...or may be because we are just scared of everything else. I dunno. I just thought that this whole thing is important. I care about you sooo much. I just really want you to know that. I dunno what I would do without you in my life. You know? Like I have a "crush" on this guy...but I love you. But, you are soo far away. You know?? I know you realize this. And it has taken me a really long time for me to see this...but now that I do...I don't want you to get hurt. It has been a long time since I've heard from you...it has been even longer since I have talked to you. Our lives are bound together somehow...but I want out...just to see. That's all. I want you to see this too.

Okay...so I'm going to keep on posting. You know?? I dunno. I really don't know what I want to post about...but it is going to be about someithing. I just thought you ought to know. I dunno. You know?? I dunno. I just don't. I think this could be a really big problem. Becasue I honestly want to prusue something. I really do. I just don't want you all out and angry at me. Cuz I totally need you in my life. I really do. You don't understand. Like you are just that one person [I dunno how many times I have said this] that has made my life at Ithaca a little easier. You are him and I'm me. The two people that no one ever thought was going to be together; then they look now and they freak. It is one of those things that can't be explained. I dunno? I just don't anymore. I really don't. Because I want you to come back and be like: "Oh I missed you and I hope we can spend lots of time together." I don't want to be like: "I can't believe you filled me with tones of crap." I dunno. Cuz I didn't you know? I didn't. I have had these small-school-girl crushes forever...and I want them to stop after high school...so therefore I have to get it out of my system. I just have to. And I'm getting really sick of people asking if we are together...I have to tell them no, but there is somehting. I dunno. I really don't.

I love reading other people's blogs. It is great. I dunno why it just is. You know? Looking and reading other's blogs and you just get a feel. Like you are looking in on someone else's life just for a second. Not to much...because you...well yeah...I hope you get the point. I can't believe that even for a second I was second guessing deleting my blog...kinda scary. :( I'm glad I didn't. I dunno. Just superbly happy about my decision and stuff...cuz then I wouldn't have a blog and I would have to start over and then I would prolly cry for some reason. I dunno.

Well...I did something and my blog went old school on me. You know how it is at school with the two things and then you get at your house and it is just one big page...well yeah Holliejo gots the one big page again...without all of those button things: oh I learned where I got the I will....as there....!! Remember what I'm talking about?? I dunno. This is what STEFAN had on his blog. Which I think...I just may take over...or maybe you can get on it and give my admin. powers so I can tiddle with it and make it my own. I vote for the second one...I like power. :D Haha. I love my blog. Anyway so nothing has happened besides the fact that our school is a bunch admin. is horrible. I dunno...I just really don't like them or anything about them. They know how to piss me off...and that really makes me mad. You know? I dunno. I dunno. Anyway...I just repeated myself...but whatever. Anyway...so yeah...that really makes me mad. And I'm sick. It really is horrible. I'm going to get a quote from Vicki's blog...I couldn't find it, but whatever. Yeah...I kinda miss reading Vicki's blog..but she doesn't read mine anymore either...I don't even know if Stefan does. And if he doesn't then that must mean I'm just talking to anyone and everyone that just somehow travels across cyberspace to find me. Oh that could be kinda cool. I think I'm going to check out some other people's blog and see new layouts. You never know...I might just find one that is better...although I doubt it. I really liked my plain blue one...but yeah...I really like this one too. :D Must go...will be back.

I think i will get fat again as there is nothing to do

Thinking about posting some stuff up...but don't know if it'll work right...oh well...it could be worth a try:

My heart is at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know
That I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know
That I've been damaged
--TLC "Damaged"

I'm torn
I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I'm shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusions never change
into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

From awhile ago:
Holliejo: At least I have something in common with Stefan.
Ashley's mum: What?? Harry Potter?
[Ashley laughing in the background]
Holliejo: It's a start

Okay...so when I say Harry Potter #3, I'm getting really horrible, because I sound like I'm jumpping on the Bandwagon marked: "Fake Harry Potter Fans Here" which is totally what 1/2 of the Harry Potter fans are.

I dunno anyway...I just want you all to know this:
I have no idea what I'm about to talk about just know that it could affect anyone and everyone. Okay not really...just read it. Okay...last night I got into a fight with some person and he was yelling and screaming and stuff...and then my bus driver brings me into it...which was horrible...because I didn't want to be brought into it. It was bad. And then it was horrible...but Evan was like why are you like that, why can't you be quiet...and I was like: Because I'm not quiet and I'm not going to be what you want me to be.

Yes...I said that...all of you should be proud. Oh...then they have some board or whatever....and I'm getting kicked off of it...whatever. It was fun. And she is totally different towards me, and I could almost careless. Sorry if you read this...just thought...well yeah. Then Ashley isn't here today. =( Oh well?? I wonder what she is doing??? I dunno...then Stefan....let's talk about Stefan shall we?? We shall? Well, Stefan...if you read this you're going to get mad. But, don't worry I still love you and stuff [everything....ifyouknowwhatimean]. Yeah...I've got a crush on like two guys...but don't worry Stefan...nothing will happen I can promise you this. Okay?? Cuz I'm too scared to prusue anything. You should know this. But, for really. Like it'll be okay. Okay? I promise.

I know nothing...but I know something. I dunno...someone is keeping secrets from me!!!??? What is this?? asks Holliejo??? What is it?? I want to know?? I do I do. Are you trying to keep something from Hollie?? I dunno??? I wish I did though. I dunno. I just don't know. I wish I did. I would say something about it, but I'm too scared that someone will get mad at someone else and then I'll get in trouble with the first someone and then the second someone will laugh. Boy...if you understand that...which I'm scared most people do...then you know me well. I dunno. I just love you all.

I love it. I love it. It makes me do things that I can't believe I do. I dunno..I should really be studying...but I don't want to...I know I should. I love it.

You have no idea what is giong on...I just about got the Rubic's cube built...but I broke it. Oh well. Oh...oh...oh...oh...Holly said that Stefan....should have some chocolate for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no idea what that makes me feel like...you know....it is just like...well...I dunno. HEHE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh....sorry...but Hollie doesn't play or share well with others. Okay? k.


Today:
I wore a snosuit. It was really funny...I just had too much fun with it. I dunno...yes...I know I'm soo funny. Oh well. I dunno...I really sick of school...just thought you ought to know. Okay? Okay...I dunno I'm really bored I thought I had something to say...but I really don't...besides that I don't have the Rubic's cube all the way done...Stefan is sending me chocolate...and that well my best friend isn't such a best friend anymore. You know...but oh well. Not anyone that reads my blog on a regular basis...So don't worry Ashley...oh wait you are my Best-EST friend...and you...you gool 'ol German you ...I don't know what you are...but you're great. I love you...wait you know this. I just thought you ought to know..boy my layout sure doesn't match this...oh well.

I'm blogging about nothing. You came home and you weren't on...so I just sat down and kinda cried. I dunno why I care so much...I just can't help myself. You're the person I love ever so much and I don't want you to ever leave me.