I love to paintball...this is true...I dunno why...it is just something to do...

Hey...this is "my" laptop for the next two months. This is super...I mean there are some restrictions...but I mean nothing else...I can be online a lot and what not...I dunno though I really don't like my family and how they are...they hate the fact that I'm going to be online a lot...I dunno...I'm sure they'll get over it...they want me off though by like 10 and I mean a lot of people don't get on until like 11 or 12.

I went paintballing today...haha...I cried...I never thought I would...but I did...I mean come on...though...Patrick has this really awesome gun...I love it...but he shot me...on purpose this time...he knew he would have to...I got shot like 12 times...and I took out 1 guy and I thought that I got Patrick at least once...nope :( But yeah...only like four people showed up...so that sucked...the guys that didn't show up went to my school to have a bbal tourney...yes when I say my school I'm refering to UWP...so that totally rocks...and I just thought that you wanted to know...

Okay...so today I was getting great vibes from this guy...no matter how much he said he wasn't giving them today...oh well...he reads this from time to time...becuase I know that he does...because he found out that I liked Nic and what not...but I think I mighta told him...I don't remember...anyway

So today was loads of fun...as was yesterday...I mean I have all my classes and stuff...which reminds me I have to check the mail soon to see if my roommate information is around...him...anyway...I have five classes for the first semester and I mean the one class, Math, is really hard I think...but anyway...I think that I'll be fine...I hope anyone...I dunno

But today...I had so much fun...I mean I hope everything will work out...I dunno...I mean eveyrthing is great...I dunno

But, oh well...I'm tyring to think about what I'm supposed to talk about...MSN at school...so that sucks...but I dunno I'm sure that I'll be fine about everything...I dunno...I hope that this rocks...I love the internet...I dunno though.

Okay...so lets talk about whatever we are going to talk about...I'm going to start an newsletter for the Paintball guys...just because I think that would be great...I hope that all of them have email...I dunno...but oh well...I'm just thinking about it...it would be a lot of fun :D I could totally do it...with the help of Amanda...

So I'm Going Now...

Later Taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"I Think You like, I hope you like me too. :D"

Anyway...okay...so not up to much...hmm...oh well...I'm giving up with my 301 posts today...I'll have to go to the library [oh no the creepy guy :(] and what not...oh well

Anway...so I'm like...hmm...I'm worried about everything with the Paintballing stuff...because I don't want to waste money on something I dunno if it will work out :(

I can only hope.

Okay...so I have to get 301 post before the end of the day...because that is what is really needed...I've strived for 301 posts and if I hadn't deleted my blog...I woulda got them...I'm jealous of all those people that got like 1000 posts...because I mean...woah...but they've been working on them for a while...going to get my 301 post the easy way.

Only...6 post

later taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"I've liked Harry Potter for 5 years."

Wow...had fun today...more fun than usaul

oh man...that number represents the numero of postos I've had since sept. 61,199 is the number of words I had before this post...waffles...I'm going to go eat some waffles

That's how I feel right about now...I'm here for another day...and another day is too long...I'm not taking any kids to the pool that would drive me nuts rahfoeaoirea....that's right...more nuts than I already am...do yes that's a lot...anyway...so I'm siting here this morning and my fucken computer has shit on it that's bad...I mean we have Norton...but from what I heard...Norton sucks...and then I got this message: if you can see this...you're computer's fucked...ok not that bad...but close...and so I went and downloaded some Spyware...I suppose everything should be okay...but I'm not sure...I mean...I don't usually accept people's shit...and so I'm going to STOP...becuase it can't be good...I mean anyway...so this spyware seems to be doing good...and Norton comes on every night at 11 pm so that is good for me...I dunno though...I mean I wish there was more that I could know...I should of took up hacking...yeah...I know that would be bad...but at least...I can just go and download free Spyware...and hope that everything gets to be better...this calls for someone with smarts...I know that Tom has a handle on these things...so I'm hoping that he gets on soon...but I dunno...

So...anyway...so I mean everything other than that is going great...I feel bad for not knowing my classes and shit...I'll go to the library tommorow? night to find some classes..becuase that is what I have to do...because otherwise I won't know a lick about what the fuck I'm supposed to do...I have to remember the map...for Platteville...but anyway...so I'm really excited about that...I and then I get to talk to Manda on the phone tomorrow night too...that totally rocks...

Anyway...so I mean I was thinking last night...it is amazing how I just seem to read and read and read and read...I never knew how much I liked to read...it just sorta happened...I wonder what day it is...anyway...so I mean I just love it...reading is great...that is like one of the best things I have...reading a book a day...I mean it doesn't keep the eye doctors away...

Anyway...I think I'll do fine in college...because for some reason 4-6 hours of sleep a day...and doing fine...it's really scary to think about...becuase I mean I dunno why I just never relaly thought I could do it before...but lately I've been busy...taking care of kids...doing household things...and sitting on my ass...and the first two are how I'm going to be...in college...not those things...but you know staying active...and anyway...I think I'll do fine...just thinking about everything...and what not...seeing that going down to Platteville is just two days away...I mean come on...I'd be a little paranoid...but whatever...

Last night I was talking to this guy...and he is really cool...I mean totally awesome...like great Boyfriend material...only he hides everything...he shot me...anyway...I mean if was as tiny as him...and had a car...I would ask him on a date...I mean he would say no...but it would be worth it...becuase he's amazing...he's smart...I dunno...I think about everthing and what not and it is great how many people have skill that you don't know about...I mean this boy...he's like everyone else in our school...but he's nice too...that has to count for something don't you think?? Anyway...so I was talking to this guy and he's everything I wish I could be...becasue he just lives to live...and he takes it one day at a time...and me I'm always planning things...always...I mean it is just something...and he's really nice...like I was going to tell him something...and then I'm like nevermind...and he's like no...keep going...and so I told him...and he told me he he isn't mean...and deep down I know he isn't...but you can't help but think...maybe a little bit...I dunno though...he's prutty cool!!

O O O O...I might get to drive my grandpa's truck...oh man baby...that truck is hot...umm...crew cab?? it is a four door...charcoal grey with metallic in 2500HD...yes folks it's a chevy...hahah...great trucks

Anyway...so my computer is functioning properly...but I have nothing else to post about..but I should...

I may be going paintballing this weekend! hahah...that is so much fun you have no idea...I mean it's great...I'll have to talk to Manda and find out...damn...I need to get balls and shit...I wonder if Alex ordered me any...I doubt it...and I doubt I'll go :( that breaks my heart...becuae I really like it...and the guys really like it when me and Manda are there...I mean I don't mind getting shot and what not...I dunno though...I'd be really warm...yuck...and turn into SMELLY GURL...but anyway...I dunno...I love paintball...damnit...I really wanted to go...

Anyway...I dunno...I really don't have anything else to do...and that sucks...I mean I want to talk...but have nothing to talk about...damn again...oh well...I think that I'm out...bye

later taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"These geeks don't even know the name of my band/but there all on me like they want to hold hands/Cuz wants they blow you know that'll be quick/All because I like to suck dick"

I think it is amazing how many people hide things...I mean think about it...I mean they either choose to hide them from just a certain people or everyone...I mean there's this guy...who is nothing like I ever imagined him to be...I knew he was nice..but never...like he is...I'm talking about Patrick...he doens't realize all the great qualties that he has. I mean he knows he has them...but doesn't share them with anybody...I dunno that's just the feel people get...hide yourself...but me...I just figure...if you know me...oh well...I'm just a gurl and not more than that...okay...so I'm a holliejo...that's something...and I know that.

It always happens this way...I mean why does this have to happen...I mean I try so hard for it just to go away...I don't try to be this way..and I mean I love it...I just wish I knew why I was this way...why I got the chance to be this girl that people find attartive, smart, and everything else that goes with being perfect. No...I'm not anything near perfect. I mean I know I've worked on myself...but I don't think I'm anything special...and that's the truth...yeah sometimes I'm full of myself...but only because I never had had a big head...even...and so everything is okay...I just wish...I knew...why...and how everything ended up soo right...when they started out ever so wrong. That is what comes from life...unexpected things..and that's okay.

I have so many things I'm scared of...I think it's weird...but whatver

latertaters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought:
"I've had soo much fun...being bored stiff"

God...I wish someone would...for really...I mean taking my breath away that'd be great...I mean okay...so maybe it would have to be certain guys...but yeah...anyway...

I've done nothing today or yesterday...besides be on the internet...I suppose that's fine...it's just that it would be better for me to have some kind of life...you know?? But whatever...I dunno...oh my song: roses! But yeah...I dunno...I mean I just feel that...well I dunno what I feel...I know that I'll be home on Thrusday! So that rocks...maybe I can go to the library or something...cuz I haven't done anything in the last couple of days...and it isn't like I'm going to walk my ass around Muscoda and have people who I am and get the shit beat out of me...but okay...I dunno...I'm just sitting here...and thinking...I'm going to go soon...becuase I'm going to wash dishes and then do some other stuff...like eat...and wash some more dishes...I'm going home tomorrow...it breaks my heart that I don't have a computer...and I can't affort one either :( oh well...you know know?? Maybe I'll be at my aunt's more often and what not...because well...yah...just because...

I love my friends...and Dr. Pepper...but no for really now...okay...so I love them becasue they know a lot of things about me...and that's really cool...you know?? Becasue I mean just the way we all are...the way certain people just know...that rocks...I have to go! :D

later taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"I don't want another sunburn :( and I'm getting those number keys at the top of the keys 1234567890...those..."

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to say good-bye?


What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?


What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?


So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.


I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you.
Send this to all your friends, no matter how often you talk, or how close you are, and send it to the person who sent it to you.

Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will.


I'll Always Be There
In times of trouble,
In times of need,
If you are feeling SAD,
You can count on me.
I will give you a wink,
Until you smile,
give you a hug,
And stand by your side.
I'll be there for you till the end,
I'll always and forever, be your friend!
INSTANTLY WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS,
WHY NOT SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 FRIENDS,
INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU!
I bet it will make you feel good. It did me.


If I gave you
Only 5 minutes
To tell me every single
Person that you love
As a friend
Would I be mentioned?
Am I important to you??
What if you died tomorrow
And never got to be with
The person you love.
What if I died tomorrow
Would you remember me?
What if we got into a fight
Would we ever be friends again?
Think about all the questions.
You would ask your friends
If you died tomorrow....
Would They Care??
I would, you're my friends
Send this to at least 12
Of your good friends
Show them that you care
Show them they mean something
To you....
Send it back to the person that Sent It to You
If I died tomorrow....
Would you care??

Okay...so I'm going to write a really good post about everything that has been going on right about now. I mean I'm starting to have some kind of life within what I thought was my own personal hell...but you all know I'm doing better than that...so anyway...so I'm supposed to go somewhere with someone on Sat. or Sunday...but I'm not sure if I will...and I'm supposed to talk to someone just about hanging out..and a friend lives in town...so I shall visit him...and well you know Courtney and I have to go and ho center...because that would be cool...and you know have to get a minor case of skin cancer from the sun...meaning I'm going swimming in Manda's pool this summer...but anyway...so I'm really happy about finding all of these really cool people this summer...but the only problem is that I found them after the fact that I graduated...not saying it was a bad thing or anything...but you know...

It is amazing how you can find things out about people that you never knew about them before. This happens to me a lot. No matter what you think; I still manage to put people into groups. And then you find out that they fit into their group, but oh so much more. And this is like the best thing. Because, well it just goes to so you that these people may have so much more to offer than what you see. And that can be a problem, because well...what if some person that is a stoner is like really smart...like genius smart and no one gives him a chance becuase he smokes pot. Hell? I don't see a problem with it...I just don't do it. Anyway...so all of these people...they are losing chances to become something...and just because some person decided to that they wanted them to fit into some group.

So...anyway...so I talked to Stefan for about five minutes and got a killer email. I feel so bad for him...because I mean I care so much about him...and I want to be really supportive...I know that I can do that...but I can never give words of encourgement. And that hurts me...because I want him to know I care...I care a lot.

I would like to take a moment to talk about my friend: Stefan. We've been through so much...so many highs and lows...but for some reason we both seemt to end up right where we used to be. Friends. I can't believe that after one year...I'm still talking to him. I mean that is just amazing. Anyway. I don't think that I've ever thank'd him for being there for me...and I mean I'm doing it publically right now...but privatley a little later ;)...no for really now...anyway...so he's really cool and what not...and he is going to go far...he doesn't think so...but I do...I think we are like the same person...just opposite sex...maybe...but anyway...we both got this: we're nothing...and then the both of us are like: no...you got something...you're really smart and then it just conts. like that forever...and what we need to realize is that we both are really smart, caring, loving people. It is amazing how people, without knowing it, can affect your life in so many ways. I mean...he's told me so many times that I can do anything...and what not...he told me to go for my biggest dreams...that everything is going to be okay..and I believe him...I really do...it took me forever to realize that everything is going to be okay...but I think he was one of the first people that really showed me that I could do it. And that gets a thank you...so Thank You Stefan...for Everything...I mean you helped me soo much. :D Always here babe.

So...after that wonderful heartfelt moment...I should prolly go thank him...but he's getting on later...but I'll still do it...I hope this makes him feel better...becuase I don't know what else to do. I mean I hate seeing people hurt...becuase you don't know how to comfort them when you are 3000 miles away. It bothers me...I mean the people I care about soo much...I hate to see them hurting in any kind of way.

Okay...so that's my huge post. And I've had so much to talk about...but I'm running out...it's all because I'm talking to someone online...curse online messengers...I take that back...but yeah...they allow for great times sometimes...and just anything and everything can happen.

Okay...so I'm sitting here thinking about everything...how much I miss everyone...and what not...and I'm talking about my little sisters and what not...and they've done so much for me...I mean they make everything worthwhile...just to hear my brothers say: this weekend willow...blah blah...I dunno...I mean that just makes me feel awesome...but anyway...I dunno what else to talk about...just know all of these things make me happy...Going to send Stefan another email. :D

Later Taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"Haven't done this in forever...felt it was time to get back in the swing of things"

Wow....anyway...we've had some fun today...I mean I went to Madison and got some books and the new Avril CD...it is HOT and I like it a lot...and the book...I got this thing for gurly books doesn't that suck??

Anway...so I'm here at my aunt's sunburnt and got squito bites all over that is one of the horrible things about staying in Muscoda...and I feel that I'm getting bit all over.

Anyway...so I feel like crap...I got four and one half hours of sleep...it kinda sucks...oh that reminds me...I need to look for classes that I can take...I'll go find some.

Yes...I'm thinking...my hands are killing me...because I've been typing for hours upon hours...well there's this boy...whom I connect with...he's really young...but that okay...nothin would ever happen...he's really kinda cute...and has good taste. He has really cute shoes...and what not...and he loves my sneakers...a lot!

Oh...why do I do this...I mean it isn't like I mean to have people think about everything they have put something into. Anyway...he's worried...and so am I. I mean like I can say: oh you and heather and bondage and us and well don't worry about it.

But...I do...we understand each other...where is Amanda when you need her?? right?

Anway...I love to write.

This is just useless information coming out.

I'm just willing.

"Don't Tell Me"
You held my hand and walked me home I know
While you gave me that kiss it was something like this it made me go ooh ohh
You wiped my tears, got rid of all my fears, why did you have to go?
Guess it wasn't enough to take up some of my love
Guys are so hard to trust
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl?
The one who gives it all away

[Chorus:]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Don't think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck
Will get you in my pants I'll have to kick your ass and make you never forget
I'm gonna ask you to stop, thought I liked you a lot, but I'm really upset
Get out of my head get off of my bed yeah thats what I said
Did I not tell you that I'm not like that girl, the one who, throws it all away
[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

This guilt trip that you put me on won't, mess me up I've done no wrong
Any thoughts of you and me have gone away

[Chorus]
Did you think that I was gonna give it up to you, this time?
Did you think that it was somethin I was gonna do and cry?
Don't try to tell me what to do,
Dont try to tell me what to say,
Your better off that way

Better off that way
I'm better off alone anyway

he was there when I needed him...and he helped...and he knows that...that's all that counts [Nic]

this guy he's my reason [the song]

haha...yeah right...I partied like it was 2004...yeah...but anyway...I'm just thinking about everything that has happened lately...but nothing has happened.


oh...one thing...I'll never see Nic again.



On to better more important subjects...I'm at my aunt's house so there is a chance that I'm going to be on all the time...I love the internet...I wish I could live on the internet...you know...I like the internet...it is my friend...anyway...I dunno I was going to go to the book store tomorrow...but ain't and that's okay...but maybe I'll change my mind...I dunno yea...why am I feeling really tired...oh wait...becuase I am...and I'm really like: uhhhh...that's how I feel.

Anyway...I'm going to babble on for everything...I dunno I seem to like that a lot.

I dunno...I mean with everything coming to a close so quickly there are other things on my mind. The fact that most of everything is just me stressing out...I mean I have the chance of not even getting to go to college. I mean I dunno if that means anything to you out there reading this...but it does to me...and I found oiut that is all that matters...I dunno...I mean you can worry about everything...but that doesn't make it better...you have to take charge and make something for yourself...so I am...I'm coming back to show you that I can do it...I can make my grade better by doing something that I don't want to do...I'm going to take the geometry final becasue that is what I think is the best thing for me at this moment...I managed to get a C+ on the first final of the year...so I'm almost thinking that I can do fine...the thing about all of this is the fact that I can slack off...while I think that I'm not getting it...but when I come back after a month of doing this...I think that I'll do fine..because that is the way I learn...so after evertying I'll be better off..I mean comeon...I mean I will do fine...I dunno...I think that I'll do fine...becuase that is waht I think that I think that I'm doing fine...I dunno...I just think about everything and know that I'll be fine after all of this..I just know that I will...Okay??

Good Bye. That's all...I mean that's all I have to say, because that is what it is. Finally after all of these years. I mean I'm just thinking that when I came into high school I never thought that I could do it. I've been through so much ups and downs. It is pretty horrible. I mean the fact that I didn't know what to do. I looked at those people that were in my class and worried about everything. I looked at my friends and wondered what was I going to do?? So, I did everything that I was supposed to do. I got the good grades and did the things I needed to do. But, I mean everyone makes mistakes, and I did too. The mistake was me moving to a school that I didn't belong in. Because, I was holliejo...I was smart. My GPA dropped one whole point. And I was just a 3.4 student to start with. This couldn't be good. When I moved back I got my head on straight and got back to work. I went from a 2.2 to a 3.8 for at least one quarter. The rest I was back to a normal student...so this was great. I did it. But, now I'm faced with another changelle...I have to pass Geometry to go to college...but I didn't study and I tried to learn it...but didn't put enough passion into to stay ambitious...I didn't want to learn it anymore...and now that I"m here...I'm faced with tons of options...the option I didn't want to think about is lurking again...because I've done everything...I'm coming back to take a final...to pad my oh soo horrible grade. I hope I get another chance...I've fucked up before...I'll fuck up again...but this time just let the fuck get a little smaller.

This is being edited from 1: 45 p.m at school...in the library. What I've come to know about this school is that no matter what someone is always going to be there for you. The people that might not care for you...you come to find out that they really do and this is surprising because you never thought they would. So as my finger slide over the keys...you just have to think about all the people that have helped you along the way...it is amazing how many people care, love, support, and all the other positive things for you. I've been through so much..and I've had so many people there supporting me...and without them there was a good chance that I would of never got as far as I did. I doubt that I will continue blogging...for having something wrote down in a notebook is more personal...even though I doubt my summer will have many memories...I hope that it holds something special. I'm leaving the people that I love most behind...and that scares me. I've never done anything by myself...I've never once dreamed of becoming independent...that means doing things for myself...being someone that has to fend for herself...and all of this scares me...I don't want to hear the bell that tells me I'm done...I want to hear the annoucement that I'm trapped forever...I'm scared of becoming an adult...I get to make bigger decisions for myself and that scares me even more that becoming one...I'm scared that I'll fuck up a lot of things for myself...but then you think about the people that promise you that they'll always be there for you...and I hope that certain people are always there...or something like that...I just hope that everything works out for me...becuase I can't think about it any other way...I'm finished with what seems to be one of the biggest things in my life so far...and without a doubt...I think that it is...without high school you can't get anywhere...and with it...you have to continue on...I can't do that right now...but I know that I have to...I just think about everything...I'm graduating in like 3 days...and that scares me...because the one thing I don't want is that...I'm scared...as many tmes as I've said that you don't know how much I mean that...I just don't want it...I never wanted to graduate...there are the people that say that's all they want...but I htink that deep down they are probably thinking that are going to miss us...at least a little...and if not...then they're crazy...you just need to look at everything and realize this is your first attempt at a family...when you walked into school for the first time in your life...you can choose then if you are going to love them or hate them...let them in on your dirty pretty secrets...anything...I mean my family has expanded...I've become one of the happiest people right now...I feel that I'm really happy...and what not...because my family has grown into something larger than what I ever thought it could be...I love my family more than anyone can imagine...I just don't express it...without all of you there wouldn't be a holliejo...a holliejo is just what you see...I don't need to explain it anymore because each and everyone of you have somehow shaped me...it is great to be a bunch of great people created into one..and then taking credit for being such a great person...my head is a little big...but I see everyone around me...I just do..and I love it.

I love looking around and seeing my life ending at a path...but a new one more complex coming into sight...this is the end...I dunno what I'm going to do.

I've done nothing...I've been on the internet for five hours...that is horrible..it is one in the morning I have a party to throw in thirteen hours...in apporx. 14-15 the whole thing with Nic is going down...kinda scary...i'll be fine..always am..

It is so nice to know that I finally have made it.