I have this huge crush on one my really good guy friends. Thing is...I left...I went to college and he was a junior, so obivously he kinda got left. I wanted to contact him over the summer and do something, because we had talked about. He was a geek, so we were gonna play Risk, watch the LOTR triology, and make him watch Harry Potter. The only thing is that we both didn't have balls. I know that he was my best friend, but now I lost him. Out of everyone that I was really close to and don't really talk to him anymore, I miss him the most, speciall when I see him...he's awesome. Cute, Funny, SUPER! Smart, the perfect guy. He would be the best boyfriend in the world and I don't get to be with him. I don't talk to you very often and I miss him like the most I've ever missed a guy. I've liked him for about a year now, and I don't know how to get over it. It's like I am, but then when I see him again, it's like...wow. I don't want to be able to let go. I hate losing people, maybe that's the problem I have..but he's amazing...gosh I like him soo much. I just wish that I knew what to do...I mean I do, because well, I know that I can't have him, but he's amazing. I miss him.

Now, I feel bad, because I didn’t make my bed or anything, and you know that McKenzie was like…blah, well Hollie didn’t do this, and I don’t know why she couldn’t have, she didn’t have class until whatever time it was today or something, but yeah…I dunno. I guess I’m over it. I won’t get caught, they say that it’s really hard to monitor everything which is good I guess considering that if there really to monitor everything, certain people would have been down and out a long time ago, so, this right there is a major plus if I must say so myself. Today I found out that I got a C on my paper. What the fuck seriously. I don’t think that I deserved a C…I didn’t look at my paper or anything, but a C and then McKenzie got a B…seriously now, what is going on here, I guess she can’t write worth shit or anything, and then he’s like…well you’re taking things from other parts and making up your own interpretations, not what it really means. If you are to make an interpretation in the first place, don’t you think that there’s a chance that you might be off on something, like what if the story really isn’t anything like he said, then what? Huh? Exactly. He might be wrong and we might now know it or something. I don’t know. It’s a bunch of bullshit if I ever heard it. Anyways, so yeah…I don’t know, I guess that I could be doing a lot of homework or something, but I like writing instead. I have a lot of things to do this weekend, like homework. I guess instead of working my ass off, that I’ll just do that. But, it’s totally my fault that I called in and skipped out on work…I wouldn’t have to worry so much about everything, but now I totally have to work all the time and stuff to get the money I need so, that way I can pay for the things I want and go grocery shopping, because that’s the best thing in the world. Anyways, so yeah…I need money. I wish that I could have parent’s that were just like…you might need food or something, and send you easy mac and pop tarts and other things that you might need, or like anything, that would be nice, but no sadly, that is not the case, and my grandma isn’t the richest person in the world, and my grandpa, like ha! He wouldn’t know what a care package was if you told him about it, and then showed him, and mailed one to his front door, it just doesn’t work that way and it sucks. So, yeah…I don’t know it’s kinda like…wow, everything is so much different now, this semester. I don’t know. Like let’s talk about B…B is totally someone that I can’t see myself being friends with, it just doesn’t work, like I tell him that I love him to death, but then I look at it, and I realize that he’s just like everyone else, he isn’t someone that cares about me and does things to help me, but he’s mean to me, because he can be? Or something like that, I don’t know why he’s mean to me, but he always is. He says that he’s going to calm down, but sadly he never does. It’s horrible. I mean I love him to death, and he’s always there for me, and stuff, but never like he’s supposed to be. I get confused with him and I just want to throw him out the door, and that’s not allowed or anything, because he is my friend deep down and everything, but now a days, it’s just simple “hi-s” and “how are you” s it’s never anything more than that and I have began to wonder why, I mean that. I mean how can everything change so fast and stuff, like it’s crazy! I don’t know what happened or anything, like one minute everything is fine, well it was more like a week or something, but then like…another minute it is a completely different thing in the world, and I don’t know why everything changed. I guess I’m okay with the change, because he’s a dick. He really is and I didn’t realize that until I found out that he’s always mean…even when he makes me cry or makes me yell that I finally thought about everything and he’s a dick. He really is. Like it’s amazing how dick-like he can get. He’s so mean to everyone and stuff, and it’s amazing how much he can actually get on my nerves and stuff, gosh my hands hurt, I think I’m starting to get that crap that makes your hands all fucked up. Isn’t that just wonderful…I think I’m going to stop typing now, because I have really bad pains…oh junk, this sucks…I don’t know what to do! :S

It's so strange how I see things, and then how you see things. It's amazing that I do take advantage of you, when I know that I shouldn't. I love you to death, and you know that, even if you don't wanna think about it. I know it seems bad when I'm so mean to you and I treat you like shit, and you do all those things you said...you...do all of this:

1. take care of me
2. treat me like a human...
3. let me eat your food, when you have little
4. counsel me
5. lemme sleep on your bed!
6. lemme lay in your bed, with your pillows on my FEET! (which is totally wrong for you)
7. lemme play video games whenever my little heart desires
8. listen to me...even if you have your own problems that you have to deal with
9. lemme use your phone to call myself and have missed calls
10. you do all these things, and prolly some that are more important...

All of these things add up, because you've been doing them for the last couple of months...can you beleive that...it's almost like I'm permentanly attached to you, because you can't get rid of me even if you want to...but yeah...it's fine that you think all of these things...I guess I do walk all over you and I feel really bad that I do, because I don't want to, I want you to understand that I appericate everything that you do for me, even if it seems that I don't...trust me...I dunno what to tell you or anything about anything, because you seem just I dunno...sometimes you seem like you know exactly what I want you to think, and then other days it's the complete opposite, I don't know what to say about any of it. I really don't. I just want you to know that I love you taking care of me, and I hope it continues and I'll be more appericative...I promise...I can't believe you look at me like that...I really wish you wouldn't it, it'd be for the best...

I'm so sick and tired. Why does it smell funny in this room, oh yeah, because she totally decided that it stinks in here, which it kinda does...but now it smells like pee and I don't like it. meh

drugged up

Yeah...I should do homework...really do some homework. I got the information. Do I really need to figure everything else out? No..not right now...all of everything can wait, because I said so...super! Everyone loves using that word now...I think that's kinda strange...*shrugs* maybe I just use it now, and everyone else used it before...huh...I dunno...good times

I'm tired and crank and my nose hurts...again and again and again I will say this until the world knows that my nose hurts...don't you think it's important that all of you know that my nose hurts? Yes, you know it's important