The next few post...or whenever I get to it...there will be thank yous...look for your name or whatever...I don't go by how close you are to me...but whoever comes to mind

Ashley
No matter how much we've grown apart;you are the one person that started me towards being who I want to be...the person that I strived to be but could never reach. But, look at me now...I'm here and so much more. I think of you everyday...some days I wonder what happened...but other days I I know it's for the better...I miss you so much though all the time. I've never had a friend like you...I've never had a real best friend until there was you...and now I have to think about everything and wonder...wow...I wonder how come she doesn't show all of her great things to the world. Becuase you have so much good. You have so much to look forward to, no matter if you don't think so. I know that we've been through a lot an what not...but I know that we are both strong...even if we don't think we are...we are deep deep down we are strong...and whatever come our way we can overcome, because we both have really strong families...different families...but families just the same. You've helped me in so many ways...you were the first step to where I am now...and everyone says things start with the first step...and you are the proud first step. I love ya gurl. You have no idea what you have done for me...thank you...and don't forget me...cuz I don't think I could ever forget you.

Amanda
haha...I'm sure that you know all of these things...that you've always been there for dorking out...and stuff...I mean you undertand where I'm coming from...even though it is a little bit hard...I mean you're the one that is there when I'm sad or whenever I need a dorking out session..nothing else...I mean you're not as close on the whole deep deep emotion level...and I don't want you to take offense to that...but you know what I mean...you're my best friend...and that's all there is to it...if I could take you to college with me...I totally would...you're the person that helps me be the hyper not so shy dorky holliejo...and that's the best thing for me to be...b/c that is what holliejo really is...so you get the thank you for being super...always dorking out...playing the sims and all the other things...oh and you're on of the few people that are making me come back to what Ithaca has to offer.

Anyway...so I always spell that word wrong..like always...anyway...so I found out that I worry a lot...I dunno why...but I do...and I wish that I didn't so much...I mean I know there is a chance that the post wasn't about me and what not...so I dunno...but anyway...so this summer is starting to shape up...I mean I just realized that my money from Graduation is slowly depleteing..and I need a job...or Holliejo will have no money
:(

Oh well...so I have this thing going on with someone...it's nice...you know...becuase we have so much in common and I've been lookin for someone like this for awhile...I just didn't realize it was rfght in front of me...but you know what I mean

Okay...so I dunno...I never have anything to post about anymore...I have a roommate now...I dunno about that.

I didn't know everything I knew about you...I mean I dunno...so I'm sitting here and you tell me you write and to leave us the hell alone...I know that feeling to well...but I wish that I could just ask you what you write about...music...this you told me to...but I mean...I had no idea...all of this could come from you. You amaze me in so many ways...it is crazy...wow...that's all I can really say..it is like I need these words to come clean...so I can function properly again...just to make sure that my mouth can run at proper pace...wow...yeah...he's amazing...and I didn't know it...I really didn't...why is this so great...b/c I mean the people that I shoula known then are the people I know now...wow...I wish that I could talk to him...but I know better and I'm sure that the real people know why...that is the people that like to get writing highs like to I think that I'm in some kind of like with this boy... a lot

Wow...more on this later...wow....i'm in a state of shock...quite literally...my stomach is doing flips...I'm on cloud nine...and my hands are shaking...I haven't felt this good since I got a kick ass writing high

Yes...I like to lick things...I will be back with more of this in the afternoon...late afternoon

I miss it...I was reading blogs and stuff...and found a pep band one...and the memeories flooded back to my head...all those times I yelled and screamed...I was proud of our school and our PEP BAND...it was great...becuase of everything that was goin on...I mean I love sports and stuff...but yeah...anyway...I really miss everything...I don't get to go back by force...I graduated high school..and that scares the shit out of me...I mean that is the one thing I always wanted...but never really wanted. That scares me...I want to go back so bad...and I know that I should be happy to go somewhere...go to college...cuz everyone knows that is what I want so bad...but I mean I had tons of fun this year and I want to be right back where I was when...well you get it

I'm also gonnna miss my friends...so I guess I should start telling them I care...I mean I only got so long...before it's done...until it's real...it's already starting...but I mean it's not going to be the same...I go to school...and I move there...I walk in the classes and see faces which none of them I know and I have to start from there...smile nice and pretend I don't see the ones picking me apart...and then tossing all the good away only to leave the bad...that scares the shit out of me...college better be different from high school...or I'm not going...at all...that's all there is to it...I don't care...I'll drop out and say I have to come back...I will...I don't want to leave what I have...Stefan thinks that I have this thing about changing...yeah I do...but I mean I got this thing about leaving the great things I have now...because everyone knows that I have all kinds of good stuff going for me...I mean that's all there is to it...

Wow...I dunno...really I don't...I want to believe that nothing bad will happen that I'll do everything I'm supposed to do and then some...b/c I'm holliejo and that's all there is to it...anway...so I'm here and you're there...I'm refering to school and everything else...I don't want to be far away from you...you make me soo happy...you are amazing...you got all those wonderful things in your head...like well...I would say...but that would give it all away...you got the BOOM let's say that...and when I say BOOM it has to be like that..because that's what you got...I'm gonna miss you...even though you won't miss me much...I mean you say you won't miss me...but you like the attention you get when I watch you play and I have this BIG OL SMILE ON ME FACE...sorry...you know you do...and if not...well you better start...Manda and the others will be there for you next year...I'll have to find me someone to replace you and your talent...you got something...run with it and don't let it go.

Okay...Courtney it's your turn: I love you gurl...I mean you got me ghetto...I was already somewhat ghetto...but you gave it to me...keep it up...you are so FREAKING FUNNY...I know we lost somethings...but I know you'll always care...the people that see you at your lows and your highs and love you for both anyway...that means something...and you've been there...been my support in Sextonville when things have gotten to ruff...you've been there..and I love you for that...I dunno you know where we stand...and I hope the next four years of your life rock out as hard as mine did this year...b/c then you'll have more fun than you could ever imagine

Okay...who else...well I'm up for two tonight...I'm on emotional healer tonight...it's fun and sad and brings me down..but I gotta do it.

Oh well...that means everyone will be inside online...and that rocks for me...I mean I can be online all the time...anyway...I always feel really bad about everything that I said. I dunno why...or what not...I dunno...I should go to Star Spangled this weekend...to bad I couldn't win some tickets...hmm...

Anyway...so I have nothing to do...I talked to Stefan today...I tried to email him but the busy thing...and then...I'll be back later :D

Have to write post about Stefan

You ever notice how everything can change really quickly...how you just...I dunno...I can't explain it...I feel really bad...becuase I know that I can and what not...but I just don't feel like it...I rather just sit here with my little pity party and shit...it is amazing how people change so quickly..it is amazing how you miss things you never thought you could miss until they are gone...I dunno...I mean maybe I don't miss living in Sextonville or I do...I mean I miss my dogs and my cats...I really miss them...today my Gram told me she didn't how much longer my mom could keep the dog...they've been thinking about putting her down for the longest time...I don't want that to happen...I've had that dog forever...and I don't want her to be gone...and then on top of that...I need something...I should just give the comp. back...I mean I need to read this summer...I always read...and not reading for me is out of the oridnary...we all fall apart in the end...just some sooner than others...

I always feel threatened...always...I always feel that people are talking shit about me even thought they say they never will...always telling those stupid little stories that hurt someone even when the other person doesn't think so...I mean these things...the little things makes me question everything along with my big ol mouth that I can never get to quit talking...I'm going to talk when I'm dead...that's all there is to it...I mean there's just something inside me that's weired and different from everything I know...I know longer write this for others people enjoyment or for them to get to know me...I write it for me...so I know what it's goin on in my head...anyway...so I'm really cranky...that's a given...but anyway I'm horrible..she doesn't like me becaue of who I seem to like for stupid resaons...nothing will ever work out between any of this...this is some stupid thing to occupy my time...someone to talk wiht...talk about...someone so I don't seem so umimportant...you have no idea how much of my time I devote just to certain people...just so I can get the attention I need to feel that you care...it's horrible...I mean I love the attention..I'm always looking for it...that's all there is to it...I get it from everyone I know...claiming one thing to feel the positive...I mean it's me...now certain things I don't try to get attentiong on and I hope that people realize this...I'm this way becuase this is how I am...I'm contradicting because I can't get a decision for a long enough time...

I was happy at one time for her...but now I mean it's old news...it's always them...always.

Anway...so I mean when I'm like this...it's not the best time for me to blog...considering I can be really mean...but oh well...everyone one day will get over it...my plan is never to burn bridges...I would hate that...I hate when people are mad at me...and most of all I hate when people don't give me the attention I need so I'm happy with them....I know that sounds really bad...but it's true...it's horrible...I hope you understand it...I go and look for the attention I need to get where I need to be...I'm leaving...I'm really tired and my MSN isn't working fucken a

later taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"I wanna new pair of shoes...a paintball gun..a boyfriend...attention...a bed...and some major hardcore sleeping pills."

I'm waiting for someone to get online...but I just remember that they told me they wouldn't be on very much anymore. :( This makes me sad...but oh well...I don't have anything to post about anymore :(

God...I got this great song that I wrote this morning it's fablous...I mean I would post it up...but I'm not sure if the person that I wrote it about still reads...or has even read it...I mean he knows about it...so there is a chance that he knows that I write about stuff...considering that he knew/knows that I like this one guy...I mean I think that's really cool and stuff...I dunno...I really don't...

I'm going freaking crazy with the gurls...they don't know anything...it drives me NUTS...but oh well...I dunno...it's prutty cool...but anyway...I should get off...considering my uncle is waiting for a call and I'm waiting for Manda to call...