Hollie's thought of the day:
"I have nothing...maybe being sad in my own little world...trying the multi-personallity thing to have at least someone that will love me right."

I'm blogging for the unknown. Yes the unknown. I dunno...but I'm coming to the conclusion I've better fix my friendship with someone [if she still reads my blog...she will know who she is]! I've better fix it because I take her blog to heart and stuff. But...I do think of this:
1) I realized that no matter how crazy I am...I'm going to be me deep down inside
2) I realized that no matter how unloved I am...I'm going to be me.
3) I realized that no matter how many guys come and go in my life...I'm going to me
4) I realized that no matter how my friends I lose...I still have me.
5) I realized that no matter what anyone says...I can still do anything.
6) I realized that I don't love you...but I will always care.
7) I realized that what I'm writing is like signing the soul away to someone else.
8) I realized that no matter what I will have someone.
9) I realized that a lot of things change...and you can't change that.
10) People come and go in life...and you have to get used to it.
11) I love a lot of things...but life isn't one of them.
12) I realized that my one true friend...I wasn't beeing true to them.
13) When I finally look them in the eye...I won't having anything to tell them.
14) My life is just a sad number line...full of noneventful things.
15) I realized that no matter what I will learn from my mistakes

The last 15 things I just wrote I believe in..but for some reason I have no ambition to enforce or take charge of. This worries me...cuz I really want to live by everything I have ever done. I really do...I want to do stuff that no one gets mad at or anything...I just want to be free.

Well...I'm doing some stuff here in the B.E. Room and getting annoyed with my brothers. I'm doing my yearbook pages (I thought it was going to be easy...but it ends up there is more than drawing squares and making it look cool)!

Oh...I drew on my Geometry Worksheet and I wasn't supposed to...oh well I will just tell him I didn't feel like it and get like a -40 and have to do some theme and all of my assignment over.

Anyway...boy I had a problem this morning and it really sucked. Well..the only good thing was I got to ride the bus for like 20 minutes with the radio on. In those 20 minutes we got to listen to 1 song! ["Shake Your Tailfeather"] We were all singing the song and having fun. But...anyway I dunno. My brother is connning someone right now but that will be okay. Right now my brother is tring to help some kid and it is not working...also my brother is talking to me...so I'm not listening.

Even though it might be easier to fall out of a friendship that's become awkward, you really don't want to do that. Sure, in the short term it would mean less drama, but you can see where you might end up regretting it. Trust your instincts.

It is a song...and I want to find the lyrics...but I'm to lazy to get anything on it. So that is okay. Well...nothing is going on...but I must say C.S.I. is going to be on tonight so I'm very happy for this. I just got my college bound book reading list [yes...I know...this is really stupid to post about, but I want everyone to know how wonderful I am {not}]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...I must say nothing is giong on and stuff...so I think I'm going to go and read Alice and Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass [I'll prolly have nightmares for weeks]

Did you Know??? That my dog is going to be okay. She ended up being okay and stuff. So I"m very happy about that. I dunno about anything else. I have some girl sitting next to me and she thinks she knows everything in the whole world...ends up she doesn't know anything, but they are in middle school...so the fact is that: They don't know anything.

Oh...also...I have beginging to notice that as kids get older...they become more and more likely to cock off. Which in my eyes is something that I can't stand. Plus...I dunno but I have always had younger friends...this has just come to my attention. I'm going to read my Harry Potter books over because that is something that I want to do. Some little Freshman is scared of the Harry Potter or something like that and I decied lets be crazy...and sure enough it worked. Then she walked off with her friend[s] and said something like "Boy...that Hollie girl is crazy and stuff" The thing is that they said it loud enough for me to hear...so I got angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Later Taters

Hollie's thought of the day:
"I feel so numb...I want to be more like me...and less like you.!"

This morning I am/was having a horrible day. First of all my dog is having problems with her ear and something went terribly wrong with it. I’m very worried about it. Okay...I have to talk about something else, cuz this is bringing me down. My friend Suzie asked me yesterday about something on my blog...I tried looking for it, but couldn’t find it. The truth is I’m very sad and want something to happen with my life. Honestly, and then someone else told me that I should be on something like Paxil or something like that…I really don’t know if I would want that, but if I would have to…then I would. Yes…on to a different subject. I don’t know what to talk about. Oh…I have something…I think my friend and I let’s call her Megs. I think Megs and I are growing apart…not on purpose or anything, but it is just happening you know. I mean we used to get along really well, but now it is like something is happening. She is changing a lot and I’m staying the same. She is doing some stuff that I kind of disapprove of, but I really don’t want to say anything because that is her and she can do what she wants. I dunno. But yes…when it comes right down to it: By the time I graduate I doubt we will be friends anymore. I don’t know if it will be me or it will be her. I really don’t.

Something is going to happen to me next hour…I’m going to get my Geometry test back. I feel that I did okay…but I could of done better. I mean really. I know what I’m doing, but I get testing anxiety. Okay…So I was just looking up something for depression and here are some symptoms:
Depressed mood
Persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt or worthlessness
Fatigue or lack of energy
Slowed behavior (the feeling of "dragging oneself around")
Reduction or loss of pleasure in life
Decreased motivation
Negative or pessimistic thinking
Loss of interest in friends, activities, hobbies or work
Change in eating habits; weight gain or loss
Sleep problems, including waking up early
Frequent crying
Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
Irritability
Being anxious or worried a lot
I dunno if I fit anything of these but if I did I sure hope Suzie tells me everything will be okay. Cuz I’m getting so over worked right now and just don’t know what to do. I have to go do some homework right now, but I’ll be fine

Later Taters

Hollie’s thought of the day:
“I feel so alive [so alive] for the very first time.. I know this is a song and I like it…but I can’t remember…oh my Aunt rented “The Matrix Reloaded” for me!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I win I really win!!!!!!!!”

Today is Tuesday…and not much is going on! My close friend [Suzie] is very happy because her life is going great [unlike mine]! But I’m very happy for her and her new found happiness. On to me…not much is going on…but I do wish I could to talk to someone…he knows who he is and I bet my blog is getting boring to him [for I no longer talk about him]! But I must say the time I got into a fight with him just made me realize how much I missed him in the long run. I was so mean to him, but yes…I think my jealously is sprouting…how come everyone else gets to have something they love and adore…but me…no I get a dying fish and two cats, one with one eye and the other that doesn’t know anything. So here is Hollie the girl that has nothing to look forward to, unless you count going to college! [Which for me is something I look forward to very much so]! I dunno…oh I think just for fun I’m going to start reading my Harry Potter series over…just to do something! I dunno…I need some books to read
[NOTE TO SELF: Get the Pendragon books ! ]

I love brackets they make me happy inside…but on to a different subject…I had a horrible dream last night…it was about my twin brothers getting kidnapped and no one wanted to look for them…it was so real. So, when I woke up I went to check on them to make sure they didn’t get kidnapped. It seemed so real and it was so scary. I dunno what came over me.

Oh…I’m working on my favorites. I have this problem where I think everything is my favorite…and people are like “you can only have one favorite Hollie”…which I think is a bunch of bull…I mean I have like 40 songs that I LUB so much…and I want them all to be my favorite…but people always say “NO!!!!!!!!!!” And I want to yell and scream “YESSSSSS!!!! I LUB THESE SONGS AND I CAN HAVE THEM ALL!” But I’m working on it…I really am.

Hollie’s Favorites: [some not all]
Movie: One Fine Day
Song: Crush by Mandy Moore
Food: I dunno I lub them all
And that is as far as I got…see there are so many things that can become your favorite…and you want all of these things to be your favorite…and when it comes down to it…I’m going to have like forty songs and forty food that are my favorite and I’m going to eat them all night long [see…I really like that song.]

I dunno…what else to put…I’m going to go back on that boring subject of my blog becoming something…I never realized that my blog is something so much like me…I switch from subject to subject so often that I dunno what has come over me…see just now I did it and didn’t even realize it. I dunno…I write a lot. It has just occurred to me that I could become a writer I was doing some art work last night [which I realized that I can do it] that I could enter one of those cheap writing contests. You know “Write a short 800 word story about Jumping. And give it to this address…1285 George Drive Anywhere, World” I dunno…I’m thinking that I’m going to do it and make something for myself…well I have to go do something now of little or no importance

Oh…it has just come to my attention that almost no one reads my blog anymore…which is fine by me…seeing it doesn’t bother me.

Later Taters

Hollie’s thought of the day:
“I dunno…but I hope for the best in the math team contest for my brothers and me”

Okay…so this weekend was on an average scale a 1-10 it was a 3 this is because nothing worthwhile happened, my parents were the parents, and everything else was just sitting around watching television.

I found out that my English Paper was graded wrong and I was supposed to get 2 more points than I already had. Which makes me mad because I really wanted a 74 instead of a 72.

Also…I don’t rightly know what else to put. I’m very proud of my friend for she told some guy off[I dislike him very much{hate is such a strong word and I’m not going to use it anymore}] which is good, because this guy doesn’t deserve to have anyone…I mean I don’t know what I mean, but I mean something.

So today is Monday…and Mondays are boring. My post have no life and either do I. But I must say that I just found out my dad has to pay child support still after I’m 18…which is kinda cool because well I’m showing the people that I’m doing something with my life. I’m want to talk about my past. I must say that my past is something I’m not proud of. It all started when I kicked some guy’s truck…and then I found out I was failing most of my classes [2]…then I moved to my dad’s [big mistake]…then I met a guy…then it fell apart…new school [failing worse {almost all of my classes}]…then I get into fights with parents and boyfriend…then I dunno what else happened….but then came back to my school and moved back in with my parents and now everything is good…you know I’m very happy and can’t believe how good everything is now.

Oh…I want everyone to know that I have 2 little sisters and they mean the world to me [Jasmine & Willow]! I don’t know what I would do without them…honestly. They’re 6 & soon to be 5! I love them more than anything in the world…honest. I remember when Willow was just a baby learning to talk and what not and she would call Jasmine “Boon”! I don’t know where that ever came from. And then one day I was reading Harry Potter to Jasmine…and she fell asleep right in my arms. And then one night, while I was babysitting, Willow drank ½ of a Mountain Dew…she didn’t get to sleep until almost 2! I dunno…but I LUB my little sisters and I miss them cuz they live at my dad’s!

Later Taters

Hollie’s Thought of the Day:
“When I grow up…I’m going to be someone!”