Woah, Junkaroni, Holy Junk, Oh My Gaw, The Seven Step Plans, The Attic, The Island, Number 7, Eleven O'Clock, Paintball, Race With Grace, The Buisness and The Pleasure, They hate us (really hate us), we don't smoke pot/we hang out a lot/we don't know a lot about...., Next thing you know he'll be like/give me head/I know I got PED/Just get in bed (you know the rest), Stupid Highstream, The Sims, Signs, The Sims 2, Duck Hunter :D, ~Mortal Kombat~ (woot woot!, God we suck :(!!), Whore!!, Eat it Bitch!, Seach: a life on ebay!, hmm..., I'm hungry/I'm thirsty, Kevin is hott!!, fat catz, whoring, Mr. Rice cup, manager job, football practice, the hill (down and up), 53 seconds of Danger Zone, pimpin, par-TAY!!, three way convos, ch-ch-check it out, oooh...boy colonge, that's hott, snorkels (spelling), wal mart, aliens, fun noodles and the bats!!, Brady?? Alex?? *car passes by*, smelly girl, Finger Eleven/Toe Nine, Repeatage, any work with -age on the end, giggle fits, dork/skank, AOL typeage skills, Power Rangers, battle wounds, randomness, shadow puppets, lava lamps, underwater cameras, wrinkles, biking, one moment please, HELLO?!?!, Spyware/breaking and repairing of the computer, sneakers, platform sandals, Crush, I Wanna Be With You, Turn The Clock Around, Let's Get it Started, internet junkie, mt. dew, Patches!, wisdom teeth/droolage/meds, Boy Meets World, blah nah nah tuke!, comos na nas?, downloading one song at a time/waiting forever to make a cd/shifting gears, I know how to work cell phones now...thank you very much, hi5 and myspace, blogging, MSN, Yahoo! Harry Potter Chat, Internet boys, Jawbreakers, Furby (ugh, ugh, yum yum, More Please), I Love the 90s, down fjeoafea set, Harry Potter, Mashed Potatoes (yuck!), Milk Shakes, reset in 48 hours, Harry Potter And The Prisoner of Azkaban, copy and paste, fill out emails (those were the best), giving the computer the finger, stupid boys, we're to sexy for the boys, Fin. Aid, uummmm...., let's get it started HAH!, fjaoieafdakjeoiafdkae, stupid German People, Maxster!!, MAGie!, Matthew Litard, fires, chopping veggies, Harry Potter Ice Cream Cake, Turning 18, finding my best friends, football manager, being without Mr. Rice, the internet (that's all on that subject), being scared/excited/confused, looking around realing everything will be okay.

This is what I have to say about this summer, all I can remember about it, for now...there's so many memories and I love them all...but this is something that you can relate too...and if you ever get sad and miss me...think about this post, because I know I will.
Thank you for everything anyone has ever done for me. I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I love it.
I'll miss you.
But this is meant to be. I know it, and if you look at everything that has happened lately, you'll realize that it is, too.
love you and I will miss you tons
holliejo

Whoa...I did...it was a short story that is 6 pages long, count em! 6 pages. If you really wanna copy ever so badly ask...but beware you'll totally think that hollie's style has gone to gutter, but little do you know. It is my style nowdays...crazyness. Well..it's a really good story, it is based on some thoughts/feeling emotions I've had in the last years of whatever, so yeah...it's pretty cool if I have to say anything about it...I dunno...so yeah...I hope that everyone likes it, because well...no I don't really care if you don't like it, because guess what I love it. mwhahahahaha....I'm really proud of myself...if you are looking at this and you don't know me...b/c you came across the blog button don't ask, because chances are I'm not gonna let you have a copy. Because I'm a bitch.

# posted by ojeilloh : 5:23 PM  0 comments

I told my mom today that I loved her on the phone. She said it first and what not and it used just to be a reaction that didn't really mean anything, but tonight it was different. I meant it. And I'm soo happy that they are proud of me. Well, at least my brother and my mom are. And I'm sure that Cody is too. If I can do it I know that Tylor and Cody will be far beyond me in the next 3 years of their school. They have a good head on them, and I'm gonna miss them. Forever and ever. It's gonna be so hard for me to just leave them. I didn't ever know what I was thinking when I told her I didn't love her, I didn't love Evan. It was all him. I don't understand. I know that my mom and I have different views and they we are completely diferent, but that doesn't mean that I can't love her. I don't ever know why I didn't think I loved her, I just thought I didn't. It was all Evan, always Evan. I hate Evan more than anything in the world. Imagine my love for food or something like that, and then get hate just as much that's what I feel for Evan. I know that the people that know me and read this will understand, but whatever. I just hate him for whatever he's done to me in the last how ever many years, but then I just want him to know that he's the reason I'm the way I am today, does he realize that, probably not, but the thought is great. Because he thought I was always weak and not worth anything, but instead I ended up to be just the opposite and a good opposite at that. He's the reason for me to be extremely angry and hurt and sad, but he's also the reason why I'm going to shine and make it through whatever I have in my way. Because he showed me a lot of things about life and how it all works, but then he also showed me not to give in, because he never did with me. He never decided to stop hurting me and he never decided to stop telling me "no". So now, I'm gonna be the same way, but I'm not gonna hurt others, I'm gonna tell myself that I can do it and I'm not gonna give in, because I can't. I have to prove to Evan and more importantly myself that I can do whatever the fuck I want and that I'm something more than what he ever thought me as. So, as I sit here and think about everything and how much I'm gonna miss my mom and how much I actually love her more than she could ever know. And everything else, like how I messed up my relationship with my brothers and how I'm not gonna be remember by my little sisters and how I'm gonna be gone for the longest time and the only friends that I'm gonna have when I come back to visit is Amanda and Courtney is really hard, but then I look forward and realize that the last years were the years that were super hard and they showed me at my worse and I can only hope that the future is as bright as I hope it to be. Because for once everything is good and I finally feel like I've done something right. My lose ends are getting tied up and everything is coming into place. It's amazing how everything is finally working out, it's almost like this is what what was planned for me all along. Set me up and make me fail when I was little, put me through my version of hell and let me succeed. And to think, my life is just beginning, I just now became an adult, there's so much out there for me. It's really scary and exciting. I think I'm ready, I tell myself I'm ready. Everyone tells me I'm ready. It's kinda hard to think and believe that I'm not ready. But...I know deep down I am, as the next week and a half are passing me by the end of a part of me is coming to a close; only to bring a bright and better future. I love you mom, thank you for everything. I love you Tylor, you're the best, well you can't have a favorite when your only brothers are twins. So I love you Cody, not more than your brother and never less, but just know that I love you more than anything, and I'm not gonna ever think otherwise. He can't do anything to me anymore, he won't be able to do anything to you soon, hang in there I'll always be there no matter what. I'd walk forever for you. I'd do anything for you two, I love you.

Yesterday was my bday and it was a great bday at that, if I have anything to say about it. I went to see some football practice and Manda got me some kick ass gifts and Cindy bought an ice cream cake (mmm...yummy) I love it. I just want you all to know that. But, at football practice I realized that they didn't do any hitting drills and it pissed me off, because I happen to love that sound of the boys hitting each other, cuz there's just so much going on and what not, but anyway, so that really isn't a good thing to think about, because we need all the guys we have, ya know? I think you would if you went to my school, where half the boys are out for football and there's only 34?? maybe out?? Yeah, my high school is deprived. And now it is short another great person, and of course that is me! mwhahaha...no I kid I kid. But, for really now, I went there and I sat and thought about everything and was like: holy junkaroni I'm not gonna be back for any football games or whatever, and these practices are all I have and I think it's kinda scary thinking about, because you realize that this is all you're gonna have for awhile. But, other than that, I talked to Mr. Rice-a-roni and thought about everything, and I was kinda like: hmmm...we're kinda drifting apart or whatever, but I know that he wishes me the best and I know that he wants me to do it as much as everyone else, so that means the world to me, and he knows what makes me happy and he knows what I'm gonna do, and he knows a lot of things about me, and I love him for that. He's the best teacher in the world and I think about him everyday and he set my carreer path down for me, and I love him more for that than anything. But, yeah and then there's Nic, who I don't really talk about anymore, just because of everything and that just was like: hmm...I don't feel anything at all last night, so that was totally rocking, in fact I didn't even feel attached to anyone, I mean there's manda and courtney, but not really anyone else. Do you realize that? Everyone wants to take a relationship with me, and I look around and I'm like: hmm...you think I'm taking you with me, but I'm not, and I want you to know that. I know that sounds really bad or whatever, but it's the truth. I love everyone and what not, but you really aren't part of my life anymore. I mean it's that easy I wish that everyone could really understand, and I'm sure that you'll all get it. I'll come back and you'll be part of my life for the 48 hours that I'm visiting, and then it'll go back to normal. I'll be the holliejo that you all loved and come to know and then I'll be gone again, back to school starting my new life. It's not that I do wanna forget about all of you, no that's not it at all, but what it is, is this: the more relationships I take with me the more relationships I have to maintain and the more I have to maintain is gonna make me think about everything about "home" and I'm not gonna want that, because as much as I would love to come back and what not and spend my life here is just as much as I wanna be gone and never come back, ya know? Because once I come back it's gonna be back to square one when I get back to UWP, because if you think about it, I'll have all of you back in my life and I'll be like: oh no, I miss y'all again. It's just easier this way. I still care, I'm just not attached. I could never stop caring about anyone, ever. I just can't have myself attached to everyone. That's all.

This summer has flown by really quick, everything has just been a great big jumble of whatever summer was. I had tons of fun and what not, but it's still really scary thinking that everything is falling into place and everything is gonna be okay for once ya know? Oh man, I think I'm gonna end up sleeping soon, because I am just totally hating the fact that I haven't slept in forever...I feel like junk, I hate feeling like junk, because junk is yuckie. Ya know? I hate it. Anyway, so I'm blogging and I'm like: hmm...what should I blog about, and I'm like: hmm...I have nothing of importance to talk about, but then I thought that maybe I don't have anything to talk about, really ever. Ya know? I'm just like: hmm...I've had nothing of importance to say in the last almost year, do you realize that? Well, now you do. I'll brb.

To Whom This May Concern:
I am sleep deprived. I am tired. I can't sleep. I'm in phase two of three to fall asleep. I Raced With Grace last night and handed out with Patrick. It totally and completely rocked, because I was with Courtney, Holly, Caitlin, Ann, and Patrick!! Sometimes, I was with Amanda, my bestest friend in the world, beside Courtney. Also, I wanted you to know, that I'm tired, and I may break at anytime. Like not physically break, but like just *falls over* kinda like that. Only, for really for truly fallage of being over or something like this, this babbling isn't good for me, in fact it's prolly freaking horrible for me, but do I care? Of course not, because I'm holliejo and it's one in the morning and I have only had 7 hours of sleep in the last, 41 hours, that's a long ass time folks specially for me. And I think I may sleep forever if I don't get some sleep, but I duno if I'll be able to sleep. This sucks. :( I'm out to send Amanda an email. --holliejo