AWWW...I must say this...I read corkster's blog. Oh she has the cutest thing going on. I really think that got something. I mean I dunno...oh my goodness..the thing that you never thought would happen did: Stefan and I have found people...Stefan is happy and I'm happy to. I can prowl Ralhpie down and yeah...get some googles and be fine. I'm so very happy. The thing I never thought I would say: I'm happy for the both of us. I'm not jealous I'm not anything. In fact, I think this is what is supposed to happen. I mean...I love him and what not...but not like that. Stefan...he's my best friend...my best friend. He's the one person that no matter what is going to be there...somehow some way. He...is just Stefan...and I'm happy about that...I mean wouldn't you be happy about that. I mean...yeah...I lost my train of thought, but still Stefan...is the best person no I won't feel bad about flirting away with Ralphie...he's great. I can be WOW-ed all I want...I don't have to be like: OH I dunno...what aobut Stefan...no I can be like: OH STEFAN'S happy...HOLLIE happy. So this is the best thing that could ever happen for me. I really mean everything. Just thinking...I'm out.

Oh...I'm so sorry wow boy. I really am. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. Oh geez. I really didn't. Oh well you seem to be fine! Yeah...I told Sabrina my "plan" now I'm really scared and what not. Oh well. Anyway just thinking about nothing...imagine that. Anyway...yeah...umm...babysitting my little cousins this weekend...so if I come to school Monday crazy...you'll know why. Oh wait let my re-phrase that: If I come to school Monday MORE crazy...you'll know why. Boy doesn't that look better. Okay anyway so I'm hopping that Stefan is on this weekend because the big question is awaiting it's arrivial. 'are our words going to stand strong??', 'What is going to happen?' [But this will be a flop considering the fact that last night Courtney laid it out flat to me: NOTHING!] Okay...yeah...like I'm really scared I mean he says all of this really nice stuff and all but you can say things and not mean it. So, that is why I'm mentally preparing myself. I mean I really am. I'm going to talk to Sabrina, Ashley, and Courtney about everything and be like: Okay...so if when you get back and I have a pound of gummi bears and no gel in the hair will you hug me and tell me everything will be alright...I mean I get my leg bit off by an alligator...but I'm fine." okay I hope that doesn't happen...but if it does I will understand that a crazy lady and a half of a leg isn't going to help the whole freaking forgien person sitution. But, yeah...oh yes...I've got to make sure that this stays in my head till next hour.

Okay...I want to public apologize to Courtney [and Tom] for making fun of her when I know I shouldn't. Okay? I really do. The reason being...it seems that Tom is really cool and what not. And that is awesome because I would prolly be extremely happy with someone like Tom. I mean I talk to him and stuff and he really nice. So, congrats Courtney I hope you and Tom have a better love life than me...which is basically saying: Courtney and Tom you will have a better love life than me...because I poked the guy I want to ask to Prom in the eye with a dirty paint brush, gave him a sore throat 2 days ago from drinking his soda, and got paint on his picture, and call him Ralphie..oh did I mention that is just ONE of the guys and he happnes to be the closer one!!! Yeah...so congrats...god WOWOOWWOOWOOWOWOOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWOOWOWOWO[that's supposed to be wow...but I got a little to excited!

God...I'm so deep in like with you...it isn't even funny. I mean god...you are great and yeah this is George I'm talking about...I mean he has a different cute name...but George is good enough YOU'RE GOING TO SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT KID!!!! Yeah...You got it. RALPHIE!!! I like ralphie soooo much. He is great and the flirting we got going on...god I'm so happy. I mean I love Stefan and what not..but to be able to touch someone and actually feel them...that is something different and he just makes me soo happy and he is funny and he likes me as a friend because I say what ever is on my mind...including the fact that I had cramps and all of that...he tells me this: Do you listen to me when I talk?? and he's all like: yeah...and I'm like does it bother you...and he's like: not really. So..I'm asking Ralphie to prom maybe...I dunno...maybe I can get him to ask me. I mean really...oh I got it! I'll get Sabrina to be like: hey raphlie i know someone who wants to go to prom with you...I think you should ask her. And I would be like: HELL YEAH!! Oh kodos to Corkster who is going on with tomtheprommantom! Yeah. that's hella cool! But yeah...i'm out. I'm sooo in like with raphlie...it is soo very cute.

I'm soo sorry I have to post about that just because I think it is the best thing ever. I mean I know I have a horrible mind and what not. Guess what: he said "I was OKAY, because I say anything and everything on my mind." Oh yeah...that is what I'm talking about. I mean how many people have the balls to tell me this and what not...and the best thing is: he likes that I have that kind of power in myself. Also, I want to tell some friends: I love you...I mean they told me I was the nicest senior in my class...which is hella cool. And I mean I can see why people would think that I'm not the nicest person, but I mean that is only if you get on my bad side. I no longer "don't like you" because of who you are I don't like you if you are cock off and what not towards me...then watch out friends. Oh well...you'll be fine. Anyway...last hour was fun [study hall] we never do anything! Yeah...but George [y'all know him] but yeah...he was like what's this *picks up my journal*?? I'm watching him very carefully because I mean I don't remember what I wrote in there. And then he opened it! "What's this??" I tell him: "GEORGE NO!" But in a LMC voice because that is where we were. And he was like: Sorry...and I was like yeah. And then I let him read the outside...well because I love the outside. Yeah...I'm in LIKE with him...only thing is: I'll never get to whore with him. :( Which is bad...because now [well....just lunch and what not] I'll look at him and think....let's play ping pong. [<-----Courtney read :D] But, yeah I mean I'm not complaining or anything...but I'm not saying: WOW...okay BLOODY HELL HE'S WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! There is nothing more than that...I mean he isn't all that great...just WOW. He really is...I know I shouldn't be WOW-ed...but geezz...I'm sorry...just yeah...WOW. I can't bloody believe this...I really can't. I'm getting WOW-ed over a guy again. I haven't had this since...yesterday. :D No just joking. Oh...I love this. I mean I haven't posted in forever...which is hella cool. But yeah. I wrote this last night:
Please stop
Don't hurt me anymore...
The one thing that did damage
won't be filed
words..no matter what...
hurt more than physical pain...
imagine...just for a moment getting hurt
Now add words:
"Whore, Slut, Bitch, No Good Fucking Stupid Ass Daughter, Fuck You."
Now...it hurts.




I'm so sorry that is the one of the most horrible things I've ever had to say an what not. That is how I really feel, but now...here is a little something better:
Never Mind...I lost it. Okay...but it was like this:
Ever time I try to tell you no, I end up saying yes
I want to scream and yell at you but end up crying into you chest
You're the one I never wanted in my life, but now I can't see it without you

Yeah...it was something like that. I mean it wasn't all that great...but it had more and stuff...and it was something I really liked. I mean...it wasn't that hard and what not...I dunno.
Okay...I'm trying something new:
You're only supposed to be my moral support
The one that tells me everything will be okay
Always and forever...no matter what I'm here to stay
But, somehow, someway love got tangled in this
Now you're just not my moral support
You've got the power to break my heart.

It wasn't all of it and what not...it is just something. I just can't believe everything...and what not. I dunno I'm just really thinking about everything and how everything is working and how I'm going through all of this stuff and what not...I finally had Kool-Aid...yeah...finally Kool-Aid. I can't bloody believe it. I HAD kool aid...I just am soo happy. I mean everything that is going on you would of thought my pee would of been red or something. :D But, no instead I've had to live off soda, water, milk, and tea. WOW huh. I just can't bloody believe this. I just can't. SO Courtney was there [on the phone] to hear the first sallows of my Kool-Aid. It was one of those teary eyed moments like when you havnen't seen someone for a super long time and fianlly when you get to see them again you're like wow I can't believe I was without you for soo long. Although next time I'm going to make it by the gallon becasue gallons are the best.

Oh...yeah...I must voice this thought. I'm really scared. About everything. I mean what if our words don't hold strong...what if everything goes down the drain and everything falls to pieces when you come back. I mean that is really scary. I mean I just can't see what I'm going to do if that happens. I just can't face the fact that everything might fall down because of everything. I just got out of my zone I'm fully aware of the clacking of the kesy...which is cool because I dunno. I hate not being zoned...I actually get dizzy. wow. But yeah back on to him. I mean I'm really scared that is exactly what will happen...and that sucks because I can't have that happen for multiple reasons:
1. If you lied to me you know that you are going to get it from me...and I don't mean like a volleyball...I mean I'm just going to tell you all of this crap and make you feel bad.
2. If you are here and what not...I dunno what I'm supposed to be talking about.

I mean...okay on some existent me being nice is something great...but then like these "boys" are all like: Oh she is super nice and what not." And I'm like: boys settle down. Sorry just voicing some more words. I dunno. I'm must be going.

Hey...I'm back. Ends up Zach is a great listener. It is totally awesome. Working on my Mass Media which it turns out I'm superb at. This idea just came to me through like 5 min. of thinking time. Yeah it looks great. I'm using the idea of blooger to make my own service: IE Journals. Your Journal. Your Way. There's Nothing Else Like It. :D Crazy huh. I find it very cool. Anyway. My journal ad appeals to teen girls and what not. It is going to kick ass. I want to get a good grade on it because of the fact that I never get good grades in English. Which is so not coold because I'm so used to having English and Social Sciences being my strong point. Oh well...I'll soon get over it. I'm trying to find my depressing post...but it doesn't seem to be working...oh well. Yeah...anyway...thanks for the email Stefan...it has been a long time! Oh I was so very happy. You know?? I dunno. Anyway. I'm just thinking. I have to go.

Yeah...I have no idea where that came from. Boy, I tell you...I'm not having much luck in the whole happiness area in the feild of Geometry. Oh well...you know...I've got to step it up considering the fact that MY WHOLE LIFE DEPENDS ON THE NEXT 3 [including March] MONTHS! huh....the way the world works. Anyway...I hope that we are all good again considering the fact that we talked for like 45 min. last night. Today I'm going to call Stefan...yes calling Stefan...not eating unless I truly have to and that's final. I have my freaking phone card [10 lousy min.] and his number commited to memory. [funny how I work]. But yes...leaving now to go get on some high...of course: infatuation.

Hey Babe...God I love you...yes that is right I love you like you wouldn't believe...okay so that is hard to believe. I mean I understand where you're coming from but what the hell is the next step going to be?? HUH? I mean that in the best way possible for really. But yeah...I mean my crush on this boy...god he is just fab. I dunno why I dunno when I decided this or whatever. But yeah...he's superb. I mean I think I decided this when we were in Phy. Ed. today...but it could of been earlier I dunno. But, yeah. Getting Hair CHOPPED!!!! Quite literally I'm going to have them razor it...just because I love the razor and how it totally makes my hair look superb! But yeah...we can only hope that the world thinks I deleted my blog. Cuz you only really know.