I feel like playing The Sims. I wanted to download a house, but it took forever and I suck at waiting for stuff. The night I get my internet back I'm tired as hell. And just wanna sleep but don't feel like it, ya know? I dunno...I had this feeling more than myself would be online but this is so far gone from the truth. haha

The boy I some what like got his new gun, the only problem is that the gun is what I would call a piece of shit, because well it isn't blue. Which is my favorite color for guns because I haven't seen a purple one yet :( But, you know that he could at least paint it, this is what he told me. That would be superbly hott. Cuz little does he know that I shall lick and he shall not hate me or punish me in anyway. See...little did I know that there were being me. But, I mean I can lick stuff and get away with it, how many people can do that? ONE...and her name is: Hollie Jo and she is the bestest licker in the whole world...I think that I might be the only licker in the whole world, so that makes me the best. No one to take away my great and unknown power to lick things...

Anyway...I don't blog much anymore and no one reads it so there is no point in anything about it...but I do it anyway because it keeps me almost occupied for some amount of time. I went to bed at like 1130 last night, yes 1130...how crazy is that? That's super crazy, because well...I'm used to staying up for long hours and babbling on (as I'm doing now) about nothing...it's just the way I work and that's the way I always have worked. There isn't anything I can do about it, it's just the way I am.

I'm beginning to wonder why the other boy hasn't emailed me back? It's been like 4 days...maybe and I get all worried that he somehow forgot about me...I know he works, but he's online a lot after work and you would think that just maybe he could email me because well you know, he just could. But, no he hasn't.

Why am I getting all pissy? Could it be that I'm all out of it and that I have known for the longest time that I have no social life, besides the one that I have on this computer? What is that? That's nothing and it blows really hard...I mean super hard...that blows so hard that it is worth like 2 of my 10 buck blowjobs! haha..and for your information, 10 bucks for mine...that's like a major awesome deal, because well...hell I didn't even know I charged 10 bucks, but yes...anyway on to something new and even more boring.

I just realized that you can have numbered things, can you believe it...I could get used to this. haha

1. number one
2. number two
3. number three

I just wanted you to see it...you know, incase you might have not believe me? You know, I do think that was a good way to show that I wasn't lying? Don't you think? Also I have bullets

• This is where you would put something meaningful
• or reasons
• or when you are showing someone an example of what you have on the blogger

what is this dude thing?

I guess I'll find out later...hmm...aww well...having fun. Out for now.

New thingy...testing testing

I dislike this...I have nothing to talk about...and I'm on the internet and my computer is stupid...isn't that nice?? Thought so...you're not getting on tonight...oh wait maybe................

I am doomed not to talk to you. This sucks...b/c I wanna talk to you really I do...I just wanted you to know that...I'm wasting my precious 10 hours for your ass..no...I don't think I am...anymore...
 
bye...wow I'm really doing it..I'm so proud of myself.

I hate this. I have stupid internet people that disconnect you when you use the internet too much...how gay is that?? Gay enough for me to be angry at them. Really angry...like killer angry. I'm listening to angry music to make it even worse. And consuming the best drink in the world: kool-aid. Cherry...but I did just make some tropical punch. God to I hate the phone thing. I wish they people would get the stupid busy thingy...but no that's not nice...and I get sick of getting disconnected!! rah!! but yeah...by the time I get back on ...he will be gone and I will be sad...but does my dysfunctional family care...what do you think?? That's a "no." Just wanted you to know...haha...the boy I like got a new gun...it's pretty and blue and I wanna lick it...but he said no...and that bothers me...a lot...you know...cuz I love that pretty blue and the way it is...okay soemthing else to talk about...I really should stay off the internet for like 2 days...but for some reason that only happens when and if I'm at Amanda's house. So...yeah I have no idea when that is gonna happen. Mabye it will reset itself at the end of the month. One can only hope..ya know? No I dont' really know...but my little cousins have nothing of importance to say so I wish they would just get off the damn phone. God they piss me off...a lot...I hate it...I'm in a really bad mood...I know why and I wish I didn't have to be like this...but I am.
I have to get my wisdom teeth done in like a week...I'm soo scared...wouldn't you be...yeah I thought soo. I dunno what I'm gonna do. If I get good drugs I'm gonna share with Courtney. haha...doubtful...I will hoard them all to myself...being in lala land for always and forever. haha...and then when I do get out of whatever crazed land I am in...I will most likely be cranky and I will not like that at all. Because my family will expect me to do whatever it was that I did before and I will be angered at this...I hate them sometimes. I mean come on. But, yes I have this strange urge to cont. to shake my leg. I have no idea why I'm doing this, but I am. I stopped. I got disconnected in like 7 minutes. How freaking fucken angry does that make me...tons. Lemme tell you. I hate it. I was online for 7 minutes and then get disconnected. Don't you think that the people that run the place would get tired of disconnecting me?? I would...cuz I couldn't do it...every 7-10 minutes until one or two in the morning...it's prolly a computer and it looks at me and says: gooooo bye bye bitch. Little does he know that I'm angry at him and I wanna just rip it's little mouse out and what not...and whatever else you can do to piss off a computer. Which prolly isn't anything because computer don't get pissed at you. Unless you count the stupid random messages they tell you all the damn time about just stuff...and then you click making everything all better...which in the long run I doubt you do. But, yeah.
I have nothing else of importance to talk about, but I usually do. Which is slighty strange. Oh yes. Let's talk about life. And how good it is for someone. You need life. def. of life: the daily doings, which include everything from breathing to talking to sleeping to emotions without life you do not exisit. I have know that some people would like it better if they did not have life, but I have something to tell you: do you think the people around you really think the same thing? I doubt it. Look how many people everyday do it. And then all of the people that it effects. You may think it is a way to get attention, but when you are really in that positon you have to think about it. You have to think is this the way to get what I'm looking for. How do I know, because people accused me of getting attention this way. But, the truth. I lived in hell and I'm not going back. But, you have so much more, you're just to damn blind to realize it. You know that? You have soo many friends and family that care. And you have someone that loves you more than you realize. I hate you for not looking at it that way. But whatever. You just keep thinking about all of those things and see how far you get in life. You won't get very far. I tried to help you I wanted you to know that. Really I did. But, you are just like me...you don't listen to anyone...which is fine, but little do you know that I started to listen to people and that' s how I got to where I am today. I don't care if you ever see this or you never talk to me again. You got my views and I gave up because you were an asshole and lied to me about a lot things. And most of all I hate you because you wanted to get right up there with my best friend. No one can do that. No matter who you are.
My internet blows harder than I do...and I blow pretty hard for only charging 10 bucks.
haha...I love it. I'm sorry I had to put that in there...I'm just like...yeah...I give good head and I'm cheap. You love me...and you know it...you're just too freaking scared to tell me. And that's okay...cuz I ain't going anywhere to quick.

I like you...and I don't care what everyone says...you don't have to read this..you don't have to go on myspace and look at my blog/journal...and you don't have to see it on hi5 just give it...really do it...because I'm getting sick of it...he makes me feel better that's all there is to it...you should know this...just like he makes you high...that's what they do to me...I'm not tyring to start anythig and that's the truth.
 
I have a penned star that I drew on my hand to see if the pen worked...well the pen does and I really like it there...I'm thinking if I ever got money that I would get a tattoo there...like a little cluster of stars that are purple...let me tell you that there would only be like 3 because well...that's all I could handle...but yeah...I think that would be hot..don't you?? Of course you do! Cuz you have no choice to to think that...because well I said so.
 
I have four out of the five harry potter books at my house..the plan...to read them all and figure out what the heck is gonna happen in the 6th and 7th one. Because this is important to me. I hate fake Harry Potter fans...I really do. You should read the books dumbasses. You know that...the movies don't count. That's all I have to say...so don't give me this crap...that's all. I have no idea why this makes me soo angry but it does. And I hate how they make more money off of him than needed. Yes I have tons of Harry Potter stuff...and I wish that I could get it for the books, but the movies are more important. Prolly a billion dollar business...but if you look at it JK Rowling is living it up while she has more money than The Queen. Someone shoulda told her not to sign with WB...but she's doing fine I guess...I dunno...I just get touchy with something like this...I'm in depressive mode and well y'all can go suck a Donkey Dick. Ok? Super.
 
Today I did nothing...you coulda loggin and if Iwasn't online...you coulda waited like 15 minutes and I know that I would of been on. This is becasue I am a loser and have nothing better to do but to surf the web...which...well yeah. That's all...
 
Toay I had nothing to do...just like every other day...I feel like I could sleep forever and you know this. I would fall asleep on my air matteress forever and never walk up as long as no one would disturb me...I hate when people wake me up...I hate it I hate it. I really do. I hate how you know everything about and still claim not to care. In fact I just do...I have no idea what I'm talkinga about...but you do.
 
I love typing you know that? I love just sitting here and coming up with nothing on the top of my head and then just telling you about the nothing that is in my head. I don't like when you want something and then I don't listen and you get pissed at me for it. Well...let me tell you...I don't freaking care. I get soo sick of people that only want to use me as someone that wants something...I think that a lot of people do that to me. I get sick of it...so don't act like you just wanna be my friend. Mean it!
 
Okay...so I love The Beastie Boys...Ch-ch-check it out! haha...I love that song...but yeah...I have no idea so I am out.

I hate auto log in...I don't remember half of my passwords so then I have to go and change it so I do...and whatever...so I'm challenged with something big...I'm about ready to make the biggest decision of my life. I'm getting ready to go out into the real world. I'm not sure though, it's like the game of life...to go to college or go to the real world. You get fewer choices, but some of the money is great. I dunno...do I want a 44000usd debt in the next four years or do I wanna go out to and attempt to make it on my own. I know that either way I won't be happy. I just wish that up until I was ready to go I had some kind of something to help me. My parents missed out on all of those parent/teacher nights to discuss college. They were to drunk to come or CSI was on...and she couldn't miss that...it sucks...and then when I do get a chance for someone to make sense and to be there...they go down to Iowa to gamble...isn't that nice?? Thought so. So, yeah...I'm doing everything on my own and that's all there is to it, but I have no idea how to do everything on my own. I've been raised by my parents and they helped me and did everything for me...I have no idea how to work anything. I can cook, but only with directions. I have no money and when I do have it I can't manage it worth a shit...so you see I need a class or a book on how to do whatever Parents and single people do. I need a handbook to how you make it in the real world, but I ain't carrying around a freaking hand book on the real world, that would be horrible. I don't need one of those, even though I claim that I do...I have no idea why I contradict myself so much, but I guess that's what you have to put up when you have a Hollie. She is confused, becuase she wants to go soo bad, but then she doesn't wanna lose her chance and have to be brought down and kicked out of school because she doesn't have the money for it....instead she rather go out and fail for really and for truly. I know that I can't make it without help. And I don't have any so I'm a promised failure. At least I think I am...I have no idea why so many people put faith in someone...I know that I have something, but without the materials to get to it I'm nothing. I'm like the poor people in the ghetto that are born geniuses but the No Child Left Behind Law somehow left them behind. Well...I'm like them without anything...but big dreams that are fragile and I don't want them to break, because once they do...I'll have nothing and that sucks. I have no idea why I'm feeling so bad...but I know that something in me is confused and you are hearing it first on Blogger. You didn't know that I'm not planning to attened...I don't wanna go...I'm gonna go down there for a week and then withdraw and go do nothing...maybe walk back to Richland Center and hope that Gram will take me in until I get a job and then maybe...I don't know what I'm doing...I really don't. I have no money no job no nothing just hopes and dreams and they don't pay the bills.

I broke manda's computer..it was quite not that funny...I was terrified about everything...they have it fixed..but now I'm going through withdrawls without it...wouldn't you when for the last three weeks all you've been doing is surfing the net and talking to friends...and doing nothing but that?? yea..you'd be going through withdrawl too...that's why I got out my purple bike and came to the library...that's why I'm here!! Crazyness folks crazyness...but yeah...so I'm here and getting the last two harry potter books because currently they are at my moms doing nothing...but I'm trying my hardest to find out certain things from my books cuz that's what I need...but yeah (that's some obessed harry potter)...but yeah...so on to other things...I just hope that for once everyone realizes that it might be something of a different nature...I just want it to be...and I wish that you could realize that I love him ...and I can't lose you as a friend...I can't...and you should know this...I love all my friends...and you should know that's all he is no matter what I do...he's not something more than a friend...and if he is...then he is just a big support with everything...that's all I like to think...all though all of you know that I want so much more...that's impossible and that is there...but love is a powerful thing and I can't help it.  You should know this...but yeah...enough on him.
 
I have to get my wisdom teeth cut out next Thrusday...pretty scary huh?? Thought so...I'm terrified...have to call my Grandpa today...to tell him what's going down and that I need his help for everything...because well...I can't drive myself...and you know that...but yeah...so I'm gonna be on good drugs...because I'm a little wimp and they are gonna have to drug me up darn good to keep me from being all rah at them!  And you all know this...
 
Let's get it started!! You know this...everybody dance!! *breaking it down* *bobbing head*