But anyway...so I'm at Amanda's again...I dunno. Nothing is going on...go figure...I dunno dude...I just really don't know...I dunno....I'm just thinking about everything I dunno...I'm going to go get a soda.

I like this...I'm graduating in well a couple of days..and things are finally feeling great...besides papers and what not...but it is all good...I just want you all to know that at the beginning of the year...I knew nothing about everyone...I mean my friends that are my friends now...I didn't know that they even existed at the beginning of the year...I dunno why I didn't know that or why that seems to come as a shock...but I would of never imagined that I could be so happy right now...some things that I didn't know that I know now:
1) That your best friends are always going to be there...and you're going to need at least three for you [1) Amanda: the one that makes you laugh and that you can understand with the boy probmlems 2) Sabrina: the one as dorky as you...but understands a lot about life and lets you cry whenever 3) Nic: yes...he's my best friend...cuz he's always there for me...and he's nice to me]
2) Not everything is what it seems. I mean at the beginning I used to think that being a senior was everything...but it's not...I mean people hate our class and that sucks...because you expect people to be nicer to upperclassmen because of the whole respect issuse...but it doesn't work that way...they hate you...because they think that we think that we are better than them...and that sucks.
3) Friends are like the thing that you need most in life to make it worthwhile...and I have a huge lot of them...so that rocks...but many of them don't really realize a lot of things about me...so they aren't really all that good of friends...but still as many as I need are the ones that I have.
4) It's better to be yourself, then trying o be someone you aren't. This is true because being yourself is the best thing you can do...just because of everything...
5) It's all right to be in touch with your emotions...just because of everything that I've done in life...it is better to just sit and really show people how you feel about everything...
6) Boys aren't just toys, some are actually really smart. Cute huh??
7) It's better to face your fears,than to run away from them. This is true because that is exactly what I did...and it is really hard for me to sit and say that is the best thing for you...because it's not...because of the fact that I ran away from my fears...I feel like shit...because that makes me.
8) Sorry doesn't cut it all the time...nough said.
9) For all the times you feel weak, there will be a day when you're stronger than the rest. That's the truth..just look at me.
10) As you grow up little things dont' seem to count for so much anymore.
11) Milk your childhood for all it's worth.
12) Girls could take over the world with their evils ways.
13) 8th hour Phy. Ed. is the best place to be in the whole entire world
14) Volleyball involves HANDS...NOT FEET!!!
15) Love isn't an excuse for sex.
16) Math sucks..but it will get you where you want to be.
17) I'm beautiful in my own special way.
18) College is where you need to be.

The most important thing I learned in High School was:
That it is like a milestone...When you're a Freshman it is something you never think that you're going to be do..but then as a senior you look back and don't wonder how you did it, but where it all went.

Yes people I'm actaully saying that...I mean I have to watch it two times a day...that would get old...don't you think?? And on top of that...we just don't have to watch it...we have to watch it in Spanish. Anyway...I dunno...okay...there are so many things that I could talk about...I feel really bad about typing away in front of the other people that are trying to watch the movie and what not...but oh well...they'll get over it.

1) This morning second hour...we got "yelled" at by the one eyed freak: Mr. Davis...because yesterday we had "an incedent" and what not...and the rule is no tolerance...but no...he got away with it..yes the boys were all making fun of everyone..but he dishes it out and he should of got in more trouble than he did. He could of seriously hurt one of the guys or even worse killed one of them...seriously...I dunno...I mean yeah...I dunno I'll stop talking about him because that is the nice thing to do..
2) Bonding: I have a special bond with all the homies in my Phy. Ed. class and that totally rocks out really hard...this has to do with the fact that Davis was making fun of everything and what not...but yeah...
3) Geometry: Yeah...I only have three more assignments left...but yah...that is like the best news I have heard all day...but yeah..anyway on to something else.
4) I have nothing else...oh wait...people...yeah...people in general bother me...a lot..just because some of them think that they are better than others and what not...and take all of my things I say seriously...but what can you do?? Oh well...she rubs me the wrong way most of the time anyway...

But yeah...I think that I'm out to do nothing...well no...I take that back...I'm going to watch the Harry Potter movie!

I don't have to take finals...but I have to do some paper for the stupid science teacher...and that part of everything sucks...for I know that I'm slacking off now and what not...and that is superbly fine with me...so I don't care about everything...I mean I'm done and what not and that is all that counts...okay on to something else...

I talked to my mum last night...that was fine...the only thing is that as she was saying good-bye, talk to you later [I use all of this to avoid the fact that I could tell her that I loved her]...she told me. I dunno...if she really meant it or what...but the only thing is...I hung up the phone before she got to finish her sentence. For that...I felt really bad...because not only did I hang up the phone...but for once I knew that she meant it...that she's finally sorry for everything that has happened...and no one knows what to do...and either do I...I just wish that I could say somthing to someone...and make them understand but the chances of that happening are like: NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN! But, yeah...so now I'm faced with all of these things that I dunno what to do...I mean I miss her so much I never that that would be possible...I love my mom...through everything she has always been there for me...always and I never thought she was...and then you have to think about all of the other things that I have in my life that require a mother...and I won't get that...and I dunno...if you read this...you prolly have no idea where I'm coming from and that's fine because I don't expect you to understand...and I mean there's nothing you can do...but other than that I dunno...I mean...what is done is done and I can't fix that.

Okay...on to a different subject...I type fast and I can stick 20 grapes in my mouth at one time...but can only chew 15! Hahaha...okay something else: I have nothing.

Okay...new thing...I dunno...for relaly I graduate in like 6 days...how much does that rock...I mean that really rocks...really hard...because I don't have to come back to my class whom I have so much hatred for...I HATE YOU.

Okay...anyway...I dunno...everything is going great and what not...my brothers are having the time of their lives doing nothing...on the computers...but trying to find stuff out about the things that they have to know for class and what not...

I dunno...I'm just really thinking about a lot of things...and it kind of drives me nuts about everything going on...today a friend of mine...but more of Amanda's was like: So...how is Amanda...she's barely ever online and what not...and I know that you are always online...so I'm prutty sure I took that as a sign that she wants me to back off. I dunno...I'm just really thinking about everything. I think that everything is going away and what not...last week was really my last week of school and what not...so that really rocks and what...and on top of that I only have like 4 hours of Geo. left ever so that is even better. So that even rocks more...I dunno. It feels weird to say your own name...I mean just think that everything is going on...and what not...I dunno...

I really like this one boy and you know this...I mean you know this...I dunno...I'm just typing to type. I dunno...I mean come on...I dunno...I'm just sitting here talking to a few people and what not...it surprises me about everything and people and what not...I dunno...I mean comeon..>I'm just thinkging about everything...I dunno...that's it.

Okay...this weekend rocked really hard I mean I got to go and paintball...I got hit three times [one being friendly fire] but anyway...the last two didn't hurt at all and what not...didn't get to hit anyone...but did get to fire the gun...chances are that I will get the paintball gun for the weekend...all I have to do is get balls and someone to refill my CO2 tank...which shouldn't be to hard...but anyway...yeah it was tons of fun...I mean I feel bad that Amanda didn't get to go or anything...but still it was really a lot of fun...I got hit in the leg [friendly fire] from Patrick...claiming he had to teach me how to take the pain...I was laughing...and swearing so I guess I was fine...I mean it hurt...but other than that now I'm fine...I dunno...I have a nice bruise...nothing compared to Brady's though...that fricking rocked...and Patrick looks as if he has a hicky on his neck...which is really a paintball mark...but it would be quite funny if he used that as an excuse...paintball guns are very pretty and what not...and slightly scary...I mean my Gram thinks that it is a very dumb idea...but I still feel that I was having fun with it...you know?? Like you can't have to enough fun getting nailed by a cute little ball filled with oil based paint...I mean come on...it doesn't get anybetter than that...oh wait yeah it does...when the guys that are firing the cute little balls are really hot and you get to see them at their best...I mean now that rocks...
THe things that rock about paintballing:
1) You get to know the guys better
2) The guys that you meet and the ones at school...but a lot nicer and what not
3) The fact that you get free food
4) It is really good exercise and what not..
5) You get to meet new people...well guys
6) You get to know new things...and get to be smarter in something that you never thought you would understand
7) You get to look smarter around the guys
8) You have the advantage over them because you have boobs and can't get hit there
9) You realize that you could cheat and get pounded for it...and then think...no cuz they love you...but you don't try it...cuz there are really hot guys around and you wouldn't want to risk taking to much of an advangtage on your first day
10) The fact that you've never had a hobby like this...and you find it interesting...that's a good thing...considering I never thought paintballing was that great
11) The first few times they are going to think of you as a wuss and leave you alone...but you hope you get good and can cream them at least once in your life
12) The guns are pretty...I mean really pretty
13) The fact that you get to scream at the top of your lungs "we're ready" and you get an instant aderline[spelling] rush...

The bad things about Paintball:
1) The fact that you could get globbered and never see again...that's scary
2) With certain guns...it really can hurt
3) The fear that the boys could get mean any second and not care whether you're holliejo or not
4) It hurts sometimes and what not
5) yeah...the only bad thing is that it hurts...oh and if you don't like someone on your team and they are really mean to you...that can be bad.