You always will...no matter what you think or what you do. I'm the one that you think about when there's nothing else there, because I'm the one that made you that way. I'm the one that everything is effected by even if you just see me once before. If you pass me by the street and I smile you'll soon realize that I'm not the bitch that you think I am, but just the opposite. You love me for me not because I'm everyone else.

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
It's where she lies
Broken Inside
with no place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
open your eyes
and look outside
find the reason why
you been rejected
and now you can't find
what you left behind
be strong now
to many problem
don't know where she belongs
where she belongs
she wants to go home
but nobody's home
it's where she lies
broken inside
no place to go
to dry her eyes
broken inside
her feelings she hides
her dreams she can't find

This was me...and me forever...it was how I was brought up and talked about. I was the girl that didn't have anything...and still don't, but I'm making it. I'm doing it without you. And I'm finally doing it better than you ever thought I could, because you aren't here bringing me down like you used to. You know what. I'm glad I left when I did. I don't know...I mean all of those things that we went through...all of those changes and what not...it's kinda weird...it's one of those things...I can't do this anymore...I really can't. I'm thinking about everything and what not...and it's kind of weird thinking about how everythign changes because of things. Anyway...so I'm going home again...this time for Thanksgiving...but it's going to be a little weird, because guess what? I have a full wonderful thing planned with my FAMILY! It seems that ever since I left everyone misses more than I would ever imagine. I mean it's okay. Because I really do miss them, but I mean it would be nice to do something with other people too. I mean I think there's that possibility that I will get to spend the day with Manda and Courtney on Friday b/c I dont' have anything planned for that day. But I still have to shop and stuff on Saturday or something...bc I need some things...I don't know. I'm highly confused.
Life is short you're capable.
holliejo :)

How much do you miss me? I mean it's it enough to make you come see me when times are really bad? Probably not, because I get really down a lot. I miss you enough to have the balls to call you and pay 5 bucks a minute b/c I haven't talked to you in forever. I miss you enough to send you pictures and write you letters if I knew for sure they would get to you. Maybe I should UPS it to you or something. I miss you enough that if I did have the money just laying around I would come see you over the holiday and spend time with you. And I if I did have enough money and what not and enough education I would miss you enough never to come back again once I left, because I miss you and love you that much. And just to get away from here, just to be somewhere where I can do it differently and not have to worry and I can wipe the slate clean and be something completely different, but I know that isn't what I would do, because I said I was gonna do that this year, and that totally didn't happen. So, here's the thing. I miss you...'nough said.
lovelots
holliejo

Anyways, nothing has been going on. The Drama. is gone. Gone for good. But, I do think something is wrong with me. I'm not sure if there is or not, but I'm gonna get it all better when I go back home. Blah blah blah. Nothing really has been going on. I'm not doing anything of importance anymore or anything, but I don't go to class still...so I'm kinda fucked on that. So yeah, what else can I talk about...I can talk about how this is all getting really old and how I've had my blog long enough and there really isn't anymore need for it. But, when I say that I know I'm lying because I love to ready it. I really really do. There's nothing I like more than my blog, because I know that I can come down here and write whatever my little heart desires at any time and I know that everything will be okay. I just know it. But, anyways, that's about it. For really for truly. Do you honestly think that I've changed? I'm still the same old holliejo that everyone knows and I know that certain people love. There's nothing new about me and I don't think the old is having a very good "Go Away" experience. I don't know. Out for now

I would...really. No, I don't know. It's a good thought, but I really don't know if I would or not. That's all on that subject. It's quite funny that I haven' t seen or heard from you since Thrusday, I know you're gone and all, but it turns out it's quite nice too.
Mmk, here's the deal:
1) I'm highly confused on who you are and what you're really like. I already know what others are like and what not, and I've figured them out, but you are different. I look back and think about some things and what not and figured out some things about you that I didn't know before. Why you are so clingy with him and why you like him soo very much. I know now, because it gives you something to talk about. That's why I made out with I ever so many boys. Because, guess what? Contray to what you believe just because I slept! with a boy that has a girlfriend...did very very little with him (or so I'm supposed to tell you) I am not a slut. Don't ever call me "sluttish" because you're not that good of friend to call me a slut. You're just not. You're just a girl. That's all...anyways, back to the other person. I don't know...it's confusing you and you're fakeness slowly being introduced to me, you're fake laugh and the way you look at me and you know that I'm pissed at you and you're just as pissed at me, but you're not gonna let that ruin your day, but you know it'll ruin mine. Don't sit by me tomorrow, don't come be nice to be because you think you can, and all of that, just don't. Don't do what you think you should do in your situtaion, because I usually win. In fact, I more than usually win, I don't always win, but in most cases, I win and you lose, end of story. You're fake and I'm not...how do you like me now?
2) I'm blunt and I'm gonna tell you what's up even if you don't think it should be brought up. Why not just tell people what you think? I mean who cares if you talk shit or smoke pot or sleep around...you're my friend and you're gonna either get called out or you're gonna hear about it, from me. No one else likes to tell people how it is, but I do. I like to comment on things and make sure that my point is heard, because when I'm quiet in the corner then no one hears me, but when I'm me and I want to be the center of attention then it is different, you do what you want to do and I'll do what I want to do. You just can't have it any other way. It's quite funny how much you hate me for all of it, but then again you hate me because of that because I'm real and you're not. You hate me because I'm different than the rest of you and made something out of nothing, when you had it all handed to you and you made sure everything was the way it was supposed to be. You don't know how to take care of yourselves. You have a car payment that your parents tell you to pay..even if they are just "reminding" you. You have other things that you have to pay for and all of that, but mommy and daddy are there to make sure that you have all of things taken care of or watched over for you. I did it all on my own and what not...and I don't know what it is, but it gives me a different sense of who I am to make it all change, it's weird...I dunno...I have no idea what I'm getting at anymore because I just lost my train of though...I'll talk more on this later.

You say...nothing that I want to hear
Just tell me you'll love me forever
and call me dear.
I want...nothing but to be in your arms
But, I can't. I know that I can't
And I never will
I know that you never will either.
And it hurts more than anything else
because I know that you feel the same
I can't get to you...no I can't get to you
And nothing ever will be the same
I miss you
Yeah, I miss you I want you
To hold me, to love me, make it all better tonight
I miss you
Yeah, I miss you, I want you
to care about me to tell me things, to read my a story before I go to bed tonight
I miss you.