This is good. This is all I'm writing. He makes me happy and giggly. I'm horrible. I haven't had a crush like this in like forever...for really for truly. I don't know...this could be good, but he reminds me of nic...so yeah nothing will happen. Aww well what can you do?
holliejo :)

I hate this. I need to stop ruining things that need to exist in order to make it through college. These are relationships within the dorm and what not...that means I have to stop making out with random people. For really for truly. I need to, because Kai is soo damn cute. And he'd be a great friend. Yes, friend.

If I press backspace two times when I'm all the way to the last letter, well never mind it's nothing, I have to wash clothes today, b/c I'm wearing shitty ass clothes today. :( Aww well what can you do. I need to go shopping, that's what I have to do. I love having no clothes, no not really. Being poor without clothes really really sucks major balls, I guess like I do. But, I don't.
Okay, here's the freaking plan:
1) I really need to stop making out with random people I don't really know.
2) I really need to go to bed ealier.
3) I need to stop telling people about what I do, that means if I do still make out with random people, I just can't tell him that I am making out with random people.
4) Stop making out with random people, so I don't have to bother hiding the fact that I am making out with random people.
5) Don't make out with Drunk Random People. Don't make out with horny random people. Hell, just don't make out with random people at all.
6) Stop calling random people, random people. No, that wouldn't be cool because then I would have to use names for the random people. I don't feel like doing that. I need to use random people, because I don't like thier names.
7) I have to stop believing people. Like the random people I like to make out with. Yeah, I have to stop believing those random people, because then I get into making out with the random people and it's not good.
8) I have to get my conscience to kick in before I start making out with random people. Not during and then stopping and then during again.
9) I have to start calling myself a slut, because otherwise I won't believe it. And I'll start having sex with random people instead of just making out with random people.
10) I have to stop telling not so random people about the fact that I'm making out with random people.
11) I have to stay away from random people, but that would make myself a person who never leaves her dorm room in fear of making out with random people. Which really isn't a fear at all considering that random people are tons of fun to make out with. Yes, I said it. Random people are fun to make out with. I hate myself for liking the fact that I like to make out with random people. Stupid random drunk people who like to take advantage of me while I, yes I, am still sober and continue to be sober, but no they're not sober so it's almost okay for me to take advantage of them or let them take advangtage of me, which yes, on a lot of occasions they do. Isn't that nice? It's horrible. Just horrible.
12) I have to stop this thought that the people aren't going to hurt me. I hate it...fuck. I know they will hurt me, but I just want to push it out of my head.
13) I have to understand that someone is breaking up with their boyfriend, b/c they are angry at the fact that they aren't allowed to change like she wants to. Which is to bad, because let's face I'm the one that is going to have to deal with for the rest of the year, that's going to be ever so nice, specially on school nights :) Hip hip horrah? Yeah fucking right.
14) I have to learn to do my homework, because if I don't do it..well then shit I'm going to have to drop outta college and that can't be good. College is to much fun. To many random people for holliejo to make out with to leave. So, this is it. I'm a slut.

I am a slut.

I have no idea if this is true, but if it is. Well then it's time to find out. I've kissed/made out with 4 guys in the last two weeks. From there 3 of them went a little to a lot farther than kissing. All of them do not talk to me anymore, well the one, but it's a little more complicated than just kissing and what not. Anyway, so this must stop. Because of the 3 I had sex with two and the last one was considering it highly. Because of this I realize that in the last 2 weeks I've had more "sexual fun" with more random people than I have had in a super long time. This isn't at all in anyway good, at all. I can't believe this is what college has brought out in me. I thought that my super smarts (which turns out I don't really have) were going to come out and bring the best out in me, which is sadly not the case and it could be the complete opposite. Which means that I need to learn to go to class to learn things about Geography and American Government verus how a guy kisses and what really gets him going. Such as but not limited to: moaning slightly, whispering, playing with their hair, nibbling/sucking their ear, sucking on their fingers, and just plain making out hardcore. Which is slightly fun. So far only two people have found what turns me on the most. And that is kissing of the neck in the corner of my jaw bone. (By my ear). All three of them found out that I was extremely ticklish and used that to their advantage to get me close to them. And all three of them kiss wonderfully. I love to kiss maybe that's why I just love to kiss random guys to find out what kind of kisser they are. But, I have no idea. The two of the guys actually set down rules that said this was for shits and giggles. Shits and giggles means there isn't any kind of relationship or connection between the two. Just two people in this world trying to get off. Isn't that nice to know. I mean. That's horrible, because I compare myself to what it was like in school. If I did this in school eveyrone would know by like 645 in the morning of friday if it happened Thrusday. Isn't that great? I mean it. This is horrible for me. Just terrible. I can't believe this is what happened to me. Gregg, no one that I have done anything with or will do anything with, told me that if I turn my shit around right now and don't worry about anything and pretend none of this happened or just don't tell anyone I should be fine. Well, just stop. I have to just stop all of this. I can't believe myself. I really can't. I'm horrible.

I ignore my blog a lot more than usaul. I feel almost bad about it. But, things are starting to shape up really well. Turns out that I have money, yes money in Oct. coming my way. About 1500 dollars to be almost exact. Which means that I will be buying a computer. Yes, a computer. I really nice computer. A dell. Or I will be building one, but it seems so much easier just to costomize a computer and not have to worry about it, you know? I hope you know, but anyway. Yes, I will be buying a computer. A dell. Not a Gateway or anything b/c I heard those are shitty ass computers. So. Anyway...I need help with my computer buying skills. I'm soo excited about getting a computer. I shall call my grandma and tell her all about it.
holliejo :)

Actually attended classes...worked on homework between classes then on top of that...umm...yeah I'm going to wash my shoes, do homework, wash laundry, and go to bed early, because I have work tomorrow and then some. I mean it doesn't bother me or anything, but I'm just not getting the right amount of sleep. I have no idea though, but anyway...tomorrow is Bloggie's bday and he's not getting anything, but well...a blog...that's all. He loves me as much as a blog can love someone. And for me that's a lot. Rocking rocking if I must say soo myself.
Confused about boys...I mean most are soo damn stupid, but ever so freaking hott!! I have no idea...there's not really much more to say...they are soo stupid. And then I'm staying. I could never leave now...I mean I'm really happy about all the things I've done and all of that, but then I'm like: ooo confused...sometimes...and I think that's going to be really hard for Dani and others to understand. That I get really emotionally unstable and it's really hard. She's not that supportive like others, I know she doesn't like me sometimes. I get the vibes. There's not really anything I can do about it, but whatever. I don't know. I guess that I can stick around and suck it out, because that's what I was supposed to do and can do. You know this man. But, yeah...I think that I'm out...today is so much better than yesterday.
holliejo :)

I'm with Kevin. Boy the way you are all thinking you're prolly thinking that I'm a slut, but no. I'm not really I'm not. So that is totally rocking. So, anyway...yeah...I'm here in the Student Center, b/c I just got off work like a half hour ago...so I'm rocking out doing nothing...oh well...I'm really bored as hell. But, it's all good. I'm sitting here with Kevin because there is nothing better to do here...he's on his cell phone. He's supposed to be doing his homework, but nope he's a loser and is talking to his mommy. Hahahahahaha....I can't wait till I get my cell phone...I'm gonna be talking to Gram for a looonnnggg ass time. And calling Amanda at like 4 in the morning. That'll be great. I'm too lazy to go home right now...my feet hurt...this is it.
holliejo :)