Well...I haven't posted in forever and seeing that no one is on msn I minus well talk about nothing...well as you may all know I've been thinking about not attending college this fall...the reasons are plain and simple: I don't have enough money. I know that this really stupid considering all of everything...but I'm going to start to get everything straightened out...because that is what I need to do. Everything has gotten me down lately...I mean something to tells me to stay and keep close to all of my friends because I know they really care...although all of them are rooting for me..and I know that a lot of them would be kinda sorta angry at me for not going to college...because I have workd so hard at what I've always wanted to do...and they would kinda think I've given up...and truth be told...I kinda have...because I mean I get down over everything...I mean I do want everything to work out and stuff...but whenever I think about everything being all messed up because of my forms and stuff...it just bothers me...and I just think: I'm not gonna get to go to college this is a bunch of b.s. I'm so sick of everything...I dunno...I mean...but I'm also always thinking about going to college...I'm always on the contradicting myself because of everything...I dunno...I mean even though my roommate is some blonde hair prance around gurl that I know I'll be jealous of and everyone will love her...I mean I still want to go...and she still sound pretty cool...I just don't know...I mean I don't want to go for a sesmester and get told that I don't get to go becasue I didn't pay all my bills...that isn't fair...I mean is it?? I dunno...I just wish that I could rewind a lot of things and make more thing ever better than what they are now or once were...life was so easy not doing anything...sure my family was/is pretty fucked up...but I had tons of things going for me...now I'm stuck at my grandma's in front of a computer all day knowing that I could be expanding my brain and thinking about things...but nope that isn't me...I'd rather be lazy...and that sucks...I dunno...I mean in the end...I think everything will all work out...I got this funny feeling...