Good times, I mean that, even though this weekend didn't amount in what I wanted it to amount to, it was a good time. I mean that.

Well, let's start with Friday night. I knew what was going to happen and of course it did. And it doesn't bother me or whatever, I just wish that I knew what I was going to do with the information I have now. I don't understand what he was trying to tell me and that was bothering me a lot. And what not. I don't know how to deal with him when he gets like that, and it hurts and everything. And then the exgirlfriend called and I really didn't know what I was doing. There is so much that I have to figure out with the relationship. There are so many problems with it too. I mean that. I just wish I knew what to do. I want everything to be okay. I mean that. I just wish he could see that. No matter how much we fight and everything, I will always forgive him. He knows why I left last time. And it turned out that it was all a misunderstanding. I wish that he would understand that. And on top of that, I pushed it all out of my head. We have so much to catch up on, and I think right now we are going through this sexual phase and that's what we're catching up on. And I don't like that at all. I wish that we could just catch up with everything. Sit there out loud and talk for hours and make sure that I finally understand everything, but I don't think that's going to happen. I mean that. I just want everything to be okay. I want to make sure that I know what he's thinking and everything. And with what he told me on Friday night, he does want something, but he can't, because he doesn't want to hurt me, and I don't want to hurt him, but we fight all the damn time, and that's the thing that sucks, because I don't want to us to avoid a relationship because we aren't capable of not fighting, because I know that we are. We're both so damn stubborn about everything and that is the thing that sucks, because I know that I will not chance anything for him, and he can't get me to chance anything either. I mean that. I mean the thing that I'm thinking about changing for him, and that's my hair and that's something big whether he realizes it or not. I mean that. I wish that we could just see where this is going, because I can't deal with him acting like this anymore. I really can't. I just want him to tell me everything and I want us to understand. It hurts so much.

On this perfect day, nothing can go wrong, it's a perfect day.... (song!)

I have to continue this sometime when I feel the need to finish it. I just got up and left it, because I knew that I couldn't do it without talking to someone...