I can't do this. I don't know what to do. I'm fucked. I can't get into my room and miss mckenzie is prolly royally pissed at me. I don't know what the fuck to do, my phone is in my room and my keys well...they're in there too....

Now on to different ideas and thoughts about the day. I fucking hate this. I don't know what's going on in my little head, but it isn't the best thing in the world. I don't know what the hell I'm thinking and all of that, but I know it's not the best things. I don't know why the fuck I'm playing miss depressed all the time, and I don't know why the fuck I'm like this. Manda and Courtney aren't coming down and I'm really glad they aren't. I really don't feel like doing anything...I just wanna give it all up. I'm serious. I don't know...like Manda is a someone that's completely different than me. I'm not ready to say I don't think that we are as close as we once were and I'm not ready to be like...I don't know what I'm like...I just don't anymore. Like everything has changed and everything is different. I don't know what to say. I'm just like fuck it from now on. So many people just drop their friends and move on. Go home when they have to and come back to celebrate being here. Why can't I be one of those people, that was the goal that I had in mind when I first got accepted into college. I didn't want to be bothered or anything with anyone...it sucks...I don't know why I just can't be like...what the hell and just give it all away and everything...it's just so hard right now for me and I just want to give it all away. I just want to say that I don't want to do this anymore and stay at school as long as possible and say whatever to everything and anything. I don't know why though, like I just wish that I could just give up everything with all my friends from home and just start new. Like just talk to them online and not even call them that often. I wish. I wish I wish I wish. But, my wishes never come true. I thought that Manda would be there forever for me, but she's not going to be and nor would I like her to be, she's not the person that she though I was and nor am I the person that she though I was, so there, it's all there plain and simple...it's easy...and nice and easy. I just wish that it could be that easy, like just really really easy. Just give it all away and I can't. I don't know what I think about all the time, I don't even know if I think about the right thing. I know that Miss McKenzie is playing mean to me and shit and is getting sick of everything. I know that she is. I'm just like...whatever. I really don't care anymore. I really don't. I only have to live with her for the rest of the year and that's it, after that I don't care to be her friend. Really I don't. I don't want to have to deal with her or anything. And then Bunker. I'm so sick of him. Seriously. Like I wish he would just go away and never return. I can't believe I even deal with his shit. I really can't. Like I just wish that he would go away like Manda would go away. I wish everyone would just go away for right now and it would make everything easier for me to deal with. Manda has no idea how much I think I miss her and it makes me soo pissed off that she doesn't realize it. With both have totally different agendas and stuff and all of that, so I don't know. It's just like I don't know what to say or what to do to make her realize that she's not the best friend that I thought she was. I'm so tired of doing this. I'm so sick of just having to deal with everything. I'm just so sick of it all. I want it all to go away and I want it all to go away right now. I don't know why but I don't trust Beth and I know that Greg is getting sick of me, he's been stuck with having to deal with me. Becky doesn't know how, my Grandma doesn't know how and I have the worst PMS ever...it's really bad, because no one knows how to deal with me. It sucks, like I have all of these people that don't know what to say or do with me, because they don't know if it's going to be something bad or if it's going to be something good. Like I just wish that I knew what to do in the situation that I am in. I don't know why I get so pissed off at Beth, like she doesn't understand. No one understands. I just wish that someone did. And half the time I make myself believe that someone does, but no one does. They just listen and they don't know what to say, they don't know what to do, they don't know what I'm saying or how to word something so it's not offending to me. I know that people just sit there and listen to me and just think about something else they could be doing, because I'm a lost cause, someone that doesn't make sense to anyone. I'm just like the person in the background. Background music to someone else, well actually more like a buzzing sound that everyone else hears and gets sick of after a little something...I don't know. I need to talk to someone that can make sense of everything that comes out of my mouth and out of my fingers and thoughts, because I don't know what I think about myself. I just sit here and let my fingers do the typing for me, I just let the thoughts out and I let myself be free from everything else. I don't let anything worry about me, I don't let anything happen, I just sit here and go...hmm...what now batman? What now