I seriously don't know what to think about it. I get scared, because I know that your dad and step dad are acholoics, and it scares me, because I know what you do. And you shouldn't be. I've seen you more drunk than you've ever been before these last few weeks and it scares me, because I don't want you to be like them. It bothers me, it hurts to see you like. Because I know you would never do anything, but that look in your eyes reminded me of the pain he onced caused me back in the day. That look of bloodshot eyes and just the look of total and complete something...I can never find out what that look is or anything that went with it, but Evan doesn't do drugs, he's just drunk all the time, because he always has those eyes. Those killer eyes that make me have nightmares, you aren't supposed to have those eyes, you're not supposed to bring back those memories, I should have just left your ass somewhere, I should have just went...blah. Or something...I just shouldn't have dealt with it. I know it's my fault I stayed...and I know I could have left...but I couldn't, because I care to much...I didn't care if I got caught as long as you were going to be fine...that's all that really mattered...I would have said something about the flu or something and that I was bound to get it because of the fact that well...you know I'm always with them...I dunno...but I don't know. I feel hated right now. I just feel like I ruined your night, I just said something wrong to you. I know that I did. I don't care though, aren't you lucky that you don't have to deal with the fact that you never had anyone in your family. That's the niciest thing in the world. You're lucky. I've never seen it before and I don't like it...and you've been here for what...a semester...I saw shit like this for my entire life, it's like no matter what everything that has something to deal with my past comes up in some way, be it exboyfriends, acochol and how I know better than to use it, even though on rare occasions I do...I don't really care. It's horrible. I dunno what I'm trying to say. I shouldn't have been a good friend. I should have just left. I should have, but I didn't. Fucker. I hate you, well I hate myself for liking you. Seriously. I don't know why...I just do.
You are someone in yourself. But, I don't know. I hate people with perfect families that never have anything wrong. Seriously. Where the fuck did you get off getting something better than everyone else. Not having any problems. I don't know it just bothers me. I don't know why...it just does...I wish that I didn't have to deal with you, sometimes. I hate people that have families, even the people with broken families or a single parent. I have a Grandmother thinking that her house is just a hotel room and unpremenant address...and my Grandfather is just someone that carts me around and tells me how fucked I am for not doing this, or why don't I get out there and do something, at least your working! And my mother...well she is dependent apon her Evan...and my Dad, I don't think he knows what has happened to me in the last few months...I wonder if he even knows if I'm in college...hmph...maybe I'll just send a bill to reawaken him of his oldest daughter. It's really nice having your reality slammed down by someone that loves you so much, I know you're completely aware of it...but it's something.