Thursday, December 02, 2004
From Writer's Block To Writing High, Amazing.
Everything changes. Things happen for unknown reasons, until you think about them. It's amazing how the world works and everything is so different than the day before. I'm not sure why this happens yet, maybe it's supposed to be this way for me. A build of feelings that I tell everyone, but the person or thing about, then someone breaks that thing called trust, that I'm so trusting to break anyways, because I'm really to shy to do anything about it and what not, but you know if you think about everything. Time out lemme gather these thoughts. My brain is just going fast and doesn't want to stop ever. It just wants to sit here and type about everything and anything that is on my brain. I'm amazed about everything and anything. I just can't sit here, I want to talk, scream, write, sing, everything. It's an amazing feeling. I feel so relieved. I can't believe it would feel this great. I'm not hurt, I'm a little sad, but not hurt, I don't want to cry. I never want to cry. But, I just feel that I'm amazed at everything. I can't stop typing and I won't stop typing until I really have to, and even then it's just a television show, so I really don't have to stop typing then. I just I can breathe and it feels like...amazing. Like dirty air would be just so amazing right now. I can't believe. Everything is going to be okay, but I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I mean all of that is still lurking around everywhere, but I mean other than that I'm really good. Like super! Because that's the way it's supposed to be. You know?
Just thought of something. About reasons.
For everything you do, there is a reason why you do it. And behind that reason, there is another thing called a consquence. And, well you know. I like reasons. Because even though I believe in creating your own destiny and living and making your own choices, everything is planned out before by yourself, therefore creating your own destiny...anyways, so tonight, well...I'm sure by the previous posts that I have posted about, you'll know that I totally have a crush on a boy, because that's what holliejo likes to do. Anyways, so everything with this boy has come to a horrible halt, because everyone that's anyone knows about this crush. And I just don't want to deal with it, because I come to find out that it's just a waste of time right now, because I'm just not going to deal with it, becaue I can't. Anyways, so he's talking to anyone that'll listen about me, and how he knows and what not. And that some girl told him, because well I told her (trusting her no less) thinking that she wouldn't say anything, but you know what that means...that means she's going to say something. And when she does, he wants me to say something to him, and that's just fine with me, because guess what, now I have no choice, I have to say something. And now I'm okay, but let's continue. Anyways, so I "lose" my card. It was gone. It was really gone. I checked everywhere, twice three times. And she tells me, someone else, his close friend. And I decide that I don't know what I'm going to do. So, I do what I think is right. And I go here, and I tell him I'm sorry. That's all and he doesn't get it at first and I still don't think he does. But, I wish he understood. Because...well I forget why...but it was a great story at one time, I can promise you that. It's just amazing. I feel like I could take on the world then some. I have this great feeling inside. It's just amazing. I know that I repeat myself, but that's because I can...I'm so amazed at everything that has happened tonight. Imean that. I'm soo high right now, I feel so good.
holliejo :)
# posted by ojeilloh : 6:53 PM
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