Anyway, I was home this weekend. Not "home" but it will do well enough for me to count as home. I mean my gram's has always been my home. I mean not my first home, but my second, and a close one at that. But, my mom's was always home and I wish I could have spent the weekend there, but what can you do about it now? Anyway, so I'm sitting here thinking about how much I messed up this weekend. Not anything about boys, or lies, or anything, just friends. I realized how much we are different and how we're never going to get what we had back. Hell, I don't even know if what we had was real, but it seemed like it. You and I are so much different with so much in common. It's really weird sitting here talking about this, as I just now realize it. I don't like admitting to all of this stuff, but you have to in the end. Anyway, so after all of that. I don't know what else to say. I can't say I'm sorry, because I most likely won't mean it at all. You know that as well as I do. So, that's where we stand now. You and I lost that "special" touch a long time ago, and it's too late to start trying to rekindle (spelling) whatever we "had" back.

Anyway, I was home this weekend and that was the best part of the month. No, not really. It feels so right to be back home. I mean certain times and what not felt really right, like this is where I'm supposed to be, but other than that no. Not really. I mean I was with my Gram and everything was stressful and full of confusion and anger for me. I mean I was with my brothers and they stressed me out more than anything, because I wasn't used to have them around very much. Everything Gram commmented on was negative and not very thought about. I mean whoever said that wisdom comes from old people had to be old, because old people have no freaking clue sometimes what they are talking about. Times are changing and what not and it's really hard to make sense about everything. Anyway, so yeah. That's that. Everything else was just as stressful and what not. I mean I had so many things I wanted to do, but my Gram doesn't understand that. I offered money and all of that, she freaked out and wouldn't do it. I don't understand anything about her. I mean sometimes I just wish that I could have a different Gram and Grandpa I mean things would be so much easier. Yes, I appericate everything the both of them have done for me, don't get me wrong, but oh my gaw I'm home one weekend and they treat me like shit because I'm home. What the fuck? Tells you how much they care about me, yeah hey? Anyway, so I guess I'm doing better than expected in class and what not. But, my one course might not count for shit, which really pisses me off. I can't fucking believe that shit. And what not. And then the whole guy situation I'm really confused off my ass because we talked about all of that and what not. And then I don't know. I'm soo happy to be back home. It feels more right than wrong. I guess I shouldn't call it home or anything, but I can call it my home away from home. I don't know.

I saw Manda this weekend. Right? Right. And everything that I thought kind of disappeared because I seriously thought that we were/are drifting apart. I realized that we are just growing up and apart at the time, but once we see each other, we are still really close and all of that and we have nothing to worry about. She is my bestest friend in the whole wide world and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Anyway, so even though I felt like we were drifting as soon as I saw her I felt normal again. Like we picked up right where we left off, it was just that we forgot to tell each other stories and shit like that. So, that's how we caught up. I mean it wasn't that strange or anything. Courtney on the other hand, I felt the same way, but she and I are growning apart from each other. It's nothing bad or anything, it's just that I can feel us drifting. We're going in the same direction, just not really. I don't know how to explain it. She's a great girl and I love her to death.

I'm going to class. I can't skip anymore classes. I just want all of you to know that. I'm not going to skip anymore class. Again. Unless it's really really needed, then maybe. This is all.
holliejo :)