I've become impossible

holding on to when

when everything seemed to matter more

Oooo man...why do I do the things I do...do I really want that much attention from any given person that I have to in someway give myself to them. I mean in anyway? Is this fair or right or what is it? Do you think that in someways that I have only done this to get more attention. In some ways, of course I think that I have done this to get my way and find people that will somehow enjoy being around me. But, why would someone like being around someone that has to work for her attention in anyway possible. Even to the possibility of sleeping with that person or his friend? Does that do anything for herself? Or does that damage her even more in the long run? Most likely a little of all of the things stated. Maybe, just maybe if she would look at herself in the mirror to realize that people should like you for you and not for what you do then she would be better off. Or if she realized that certain people actually care and that they don't want anything sexual or associated with sexual behaviors she would also be better off, but somehow someway she believe that she would "get to know him better" if she did make out with him or have sex with him. Does she not know that talking is good too? You cannot talk while making out...you can talk while having sex, but I highly doubt your views of important things that could be the basis for a relationship would come up. So, here is this girl running around meeting a new boy...who by the end of the night, little does he know, is going to have her in his room for at least an hour by themselves. So, this girl...who is showing patterns of this. Because it has happened the last two weekends is showing no signs of slowing, although she knows she should. She has however come to the conclusion that she will stop, but if she doesn't then she will tell no one about her "shit and giggles" times. This is all she has to write about.