Do you think I'm better off alone? Even though for me to even consider being alone for the next month of my life or however long it takes to find someone? I mean I have tons of fun doing my own thing, doing what I like and making out with a new guy almost every week. I like thinking they could think I'm pretty or even I like to think that I may just have some kind of chance with them. It would be a nice thought and all of that, but I don't know how much of all of that is reality. I mean...do you know? Of course you don't know, but if you did...would you metion something to me? I would hope soo...I wish I knew what exactly is going on in my head. I mean I can only think and control so much of what I'm doing...other times everything just goes to the wayside and fun and no thought of tomorrow lurks in and everything goes to hell.
If you were me for an hour or two...and a cute guy with glasses, smelled good, was smart, funny, was talking in a british accent and countless other things that you just seemed to have noticed, his only downfall: dirty shoes. This is it. Now you're me and I'm no one, this guy hints to you to come to his room with you. It's 1230am Saturday morning/Friday night...what do you do? You have no commitment anywhere to any guy and this guy seems to have it all...what now? Do you follow? Well, if you were me you could and you would like it a lot, too. But, after this all falls apart, like you know it will. Because you lost that thought about everything for like 15 minutes because he was still sinking in. But, then you start to think about how he's slowly moving in on you...or how in the next 10 minutes it goes from tickling to slowly moving in for the kiss. Or how everything you thought you knew or assumed about him is gone. How does that work? This guy, who I just met...I mean I talked to him for like 5 minutes max.Or longest conversation was about how I wanted his Ice Cream?!? How does that work? This guy came from that guy, to someone completely different. I mean...I went from that to making out with this guy...I mean I liked it and I'm not complaining, but you have to think about how that happened and why could it have happened. We both agreed it was for shits and giggles, but really...was it? I want to wish and think that it wasn't, but I know deeep down it probably was. But, things aren't awkard. He smiled and said Good Morning today. That was a plus. But, anyway, back the subject. Okay...so here you are almost making out with this guy, you know it's coming, but your consious isn't letting you think about it, because otherwise you'll stop. So, from tickling to him getting close to you...both of you turning at the right time and all of sudden...yes it happens. You don't know who kissed who, but now you are full on making out with him. Your hands slowly moving up into his hair and all you can think about is how great this feels and the fact that he's a great kisser. But, then, because you're me, it sinks in...and you realize what your doing and you have to push him off of you and you have to talk ot him about everything...you come to find out it's for shits and giggles and nothing is going to happen because he doesn't have any condoms. Okay, so you can still be a tease, and you're not going to be doing anything extreme...this is good. But, then consious slips away again, because you realize nothing can happen, and he's cute...what can you do? What would Hollie Jo do? She's going to kiss him again, because she's a tease and she wants to see how far this is going to get before anything major happens. This time he's up her shirt...the one time she's happy about her big breast...or what she thinks is big enough breasts for her. This is the only thing she thinks about, until she gets bored with it and stops him again. But, of course, pleasure is worth all of the pain she's about to find out when he reassures her that is just for shits and giggles. She doesn't want to think about it, and she really ought to be going to bed. He's already told her to stay before all of this started, but then he knows that she has to go to bed, and that it is for shits and giggles. Wouldn't want any of the other guys finding out.
Flash Forward to the next day. It isn't awkard and everything is awesome for the two of them. He smiles and says hi. And all of that. It's amazing how it would appear that nothing has changed. They have gotten closer that is the only thing that is apparent to anyone watching them. A causal hey..what's up? Nothing...I've got to go. But, it's sitting there lurking inside of her...something. It's supposed to be awkard...always awkard. She did nothing with the boy from the week before and they didn't talk for a week...what is this new thing...she wasn't used to this. Why wasn't it awkard for the two of them? It should have been, but it wasn't. Is this is a good thing or a bad thing. So, now she's worried and by some sort of amazing feeling she lets it get awkard. She ruins this great new thing by not being able to smile or even walk by his room. Walking all the way around the wing to visit his neighbor. Everyone knows what happned, but no one is going to give him shit, because his a football player, but they can give her shit, because she's her. But, you know...they want her to go and talk to him about everything...make sure that everything is okay. I mean you kind of have to, but then if you think about it...you could let this float on like the week before. I mean everything just floats away. The boy from the week before was nothing, but then the week before that...that was something...she let it float on...which is good. Then her "ex boyfriend" she let him float on and on and he's not coming back, although she did try once. It's okay though...because she's wanting something with this one...the guy that made her not want to find someone new for this Friday, because she wants to hang or at least see and talk to him this Friday, because that's what normal people do. They don't go and find someone new to kiss and have them hold you every week. Some actually try to make something work out of these random make out sessions and that's what she finally wants, but she is too scared to admit it and think about it...what is she to do?