Last blog on the laptop, at one in the morning...should be sleeping this I know, but I'm not, for I had a long night. There was a horrible tornado about 20 minutes away and what not and for those that don't know what I live in: it's a cute little ugly ass twinkie aka a moblie home...it sucks ass...but whatever anyway...so I also have a fear of storms so I'm freaking out having an anxiety attack fearing that I'm gonna get all blown away an what not...it's a bad time but whatever...I wonder how warm it'll be tomorrow...but anyway...dur sorry about that...so that was a bad time and all I wanted to do was to get on the internet...of course go figure yeah?? Anyway...I hope Matt gets my email by the time he checks it...oh man :S I really really really really hope soo...anyway...so tomorrow is a big day...really big day...I have to do paper work in the morning when I wake up and what not...fill out tons and tons of it...and then go somewheres with Matt then I'm going to Amanda's and telling Mr. Rice how it is and that the fact that Manda and Me have to totally hang out for awhile!! Because I'm leaving!!! He'll totally understand...but then...while I'm doing that all I'll be thinking about is how that's gonna be the last time I see him in forever...and the same with Matt... This is soo freaking crazy...it's like the end of everything...I hate endings...and I hate beginnings I like the time in the middle, where you're over the fact that the beginning is over, but the end is no where in sight...that's what I like...and I realize that that'll be a far off time for me...I'm just scared that with everything that is happening now that I won't get home as much as I want...but I have to I just have to...I had no idea how much one place could mean so much to you. It's amazing...I'm gonna miss it...ever so much...but this is for the best.

I'm so proud of myself for coming this far. I really am and anyone that thinks that I'm not gonna make it and fuck things up, because of whatever reasons just needs to give that shit up, because I'm Hollie and that's something. I have this power not to be dealt with. I'm a bitch. I'm everything you fear when you piss me off. And that's just what Evan did. But, Evan didn't know that while he was hurting me and telling me I couldn't do it he was really fueling my fire even more. All those times he told me he "loved me like his own daughter" could have been true and his ways could have been reverse whatever it is that I can't spell...but I doubt it. I have no idea why I just gave him the benefit of the doubt he never did for me. But, that's fine because one day I'll get to rub it in his face...and then I'll do nothing but laugh...or cry or laugh and cry or laugh and cry and run away quickly screaming: YOU NO GOOD ROTTEN BASTARD!!! or whatever I feel like which could vary depending on the day...God, I hate him.

Mr. Rice...that's all. I can't say anymore without thinking about everything. I hope that he'll remember me and give me hell about everything down the road, because that's what I plan to do to him. Man, he's super old and he's got the best comb over going for him, he's the bloody best and don't nobody say otherwise!! I'll be kicking your ass. He knows that I can do it. He gave me the go ahead just a few weeks back. I told him I wanted to stay here forever and he looked at me and said, "No, Hollie, you've been here long enough. It's your time." And with that, I smiled and said thank you and also made a joke. I know that if Mr. Rice says that I'm ready, that I am. And to be ready means that I can do it and do it well. And, so Mr. Rice helps me out sooo much with my confidence to become him. I'm his successor, be scared. :) No no no...not really...he's the best and what not...and I'll never forget him. Down redfjeioareday Set. And then me: "damn it Penis it's down ready set not some gibberish ftw?? do you have going on?" Also, "This year in Modern US History we'll be discussing the JFK assassination, followed by the theories and the conspiracies that followed in the years to come. This will take up us to the semester. And the following Sesmester will be discussing the conspiracies in much more depth. As you all know, I figured it out. For I killed JFK in the previous life, but they can't charge me with it...and they can't kill me either...hahahahaha bless our horribly crooked government." That is my life wrapped up in a nutshell...I can't wait. I didn't realize my dream would ever include something like this, but then I look back at the last four years of my life and think, "there's nothing more than I want that what I just described." I love Mr, Rice as a teacher and respect him more than any thing in the world. That's how we got so far, because even though it didn't seem like I respected him all that much, it was there and he knew it.

I get the butterflies. How great is that?? That's super great. But, I haven't told him, because then they'll go away...so if you're reading this...don't bring em up, just make more of em!! *giggles* <-----See!! I don't know...I can't really make him sound as great as Mr. Rice, but he is...in a different way...hahahahahahaha....It's great...I'm soo happy. I don't wanna sound clingy and I don't wanna get all clingy, but it's just wow...that's all and I can't explain it in words, which is prolly crazy, because I'm soo good with them when I'm thinking about it. But, yeah it's a great feeling I don't want it to go away.

Oh. And while we are on this subject. I have fallen behind in my hip-hop/rap/R&B. Yes, Hollie Jo, the one that wrote a rap her junior year, the one that wore a "do rag" to school for homecoming her senior year, the one that you can ask "what song is this??", well...it doesn't suck, but I just need to stay rooted to my ghetto roots and my nice cute little "poppy" roots, because those are what Hollie Jo is. You wouldn't imagine Hollie sitting here listening to Nine Inch Nails, but guess what, yeah you got it right, she is. I listen to one or two songs. But, still that's one or two songs of what I should be listening too. I'm not complaining at all, but it's just a crazy thing. Kind of like everything else that's going on in my life. I'm accepting change, little things, like music. Slowly, but surely. How crazy is that?? That's not crazy at all, but instead a really good thing, because that means that somehow some way I've changed something and I'm liking it and not wanting to change it back. This is something awesome for Hollie, you should know that all of you. It's amazing. I like it a lot. I'm almost ready for the big change. And if I'm not, get me a computer so I can email Amanda and tell her to call me ASAP and then get me a whole bunch of Gummi Bears...oh wait I have those, along with several other comfort foods. Such as Mt. Dew, but then I'll be thinking about Courtney, because she's the one that got me started on it...aww well...it'll be fine I should hope. I really really really really hope. And, I think it will...just give it time, lots and lots of time.

It's two in the morning and I have to get up early. Good Night
Love you blog. Tons and tons and tons...you've been there through thick and thin when things got rough...you're like myself written out on paper...I hope I don't give up on you during College, it's a big step. And I want everyone to keep track of what this girl is doing...ya know?? I think I'll name you Bloggie. Kinda like Hollie...only bloggie...yeah that'd be cute.
Night *kisses* Night,
lovelots
Later Tators (For old times sake)
Hollie Jo
Hollie's Thought of The Day:"Did you know that through everything you're still here?? And I love you for that."
It's amazing how far this summer has brought me. Not far, but far enough to realize there's been change. Good and bad, but mostly good.