I hate auto log in...I don't remember half of my passwords so then I have to go and change it so I do...and whatever...so I'm challenged with something big...I'm about ready to make the biggest decision of my life. I'm getting ready to go out into the real world. I'm not sure though, it's like the game of life...to go to college or go to the real world. You get fewer choices, but some of the money is great. I dunno...do I want a 44000usd debt in the next four years or do I wanna go out to and attempt to make it on my own. I know that either way I won't be happy. I just wish that up until I was ready to go I had some kind of something to help me. My parents missed out on all of those parent/teacher nights to discuss college. They were to drunk to come or CSI was on...and she couldn't miss that...it sucks...and then when I do get a chance for someone to make sense and to be there...they go down to Iowa to gamble...isn't that nice?? Thought so. So, yeah...I'm doing everything on my own and that's all there is to it, but I have no idea how to do everything on my own. I've been raised by my parents and they helped me and did everything for me...I have no idea how to work anything. I can cook, but only with directions. I have no money and when I do have it I can't manage it worth a shit...so you see I need a class or a book on how to do whatever Parents and single people do. I need a handbook to how you make it in the real world, but I ain't carrying around a freaking hand book on the real world, that would be horrible. I don't need one of those, even though I claim that I do...I have no idea why I contradict myself so much, but I guess that's what you have to put up when you have a Hollie. She is confused, becuase she wants to go soo bad, but then she doesn't wanna lose her chance and have to be brought down and kicked out of school because she doesn't have the money for it....instead she rather go out and fail for really and for truly. I know that I can't make it without help. And I don't have any so I'm a promised failure. At least I think I am...I have no idea why so many people put faith in someone...I know that I have something, but without the materials to get to it I'm nothing. I'm like the poor people in the ghetto that are born geniuses but the No Child Left Behind Law somehow left them behind. Well...I'm like them without anything...but big dreams that are fragile and I don't want them to break, because once they do...I'll have nothing and that sucks. I have no idea why I'm feeling so bad...but I know that something in me is confused and you are hearing it first on Blogger. You didn't know that I'm not planning to attened...I don't wanna go...I'm gonna go down there for a week and then withdraw and go do nothing...maybe walk back to Richland Center and hope that Gram will take me in until I get a job and then maybe...I don't know what I'm doing...I really don't. I have no money no job no nothing just hopes and dreams and they don't pay the bills.
# posted by ojeilloh : 1:53 PM