You ever notice how everything can change really quickly...how you just...I dunno...I can't explain it...I feel really bad...becuase I know that I can and what not...but I just don't feel like it...I rather just sit here with my little pity party and shit...it is amazing how people change so quickly..it is amazing how you miss things you never thought you could miss until they are gone...I dunno...I mean maybe I don't miss living in Sextonville or I do...I mean I miss my dogs and my cats...I really miss them...today my Gram told me she didn't how much longer my mom could keep the dog...they've been thinking about putting her down for the longest time...I don't want that to happen...I've had that dog forever...and I don't want her to be gone...and then on top of that...I need something...I should just give the comp. back...I mean I need to read this summer...I always read...and not reading for me is out of the oridnary...we all fall apart in the end...just some sooner than others...

I always feel threatened...always...I always feel that people are talking shit about me even thought they say they never will...always telling those stupid little stories that hurt someone even when the other person doesn't think so...I mean these things...the little things makes me question everything along with my big ol mouth that I can never get to quit talking...I'm going to talk when I'm dead...that's all there is to it...I mean there's just something inside me that's weired and different from everything I know...I know longer write this for others people enjoyment or for them to get to know me...I write it for me...so I know what it's goin on in my head...anyway...so I'm really cranky...that's a given...but anyway I'm horrible..she doesn't like me becaue of who I seem to like for stupid resaons...nothing will ever work out between any of this...this is some stupid thing to occupy my time...someone to talk wiht...talk about...someone so I don't seem so umimportant...you have no idea how much of my time I devote just to certain people...just so I can get the attention I need to feel that you care...it's horrible...I mean I love the attention..I'm always looking for it...that's all there is to it...I get it from everyone I know...claiming one thing to feel the positive...I mean it's me...now certain things I don't try to get attentiong on and I hope that people realize this...I'm this way becuase this is how I am...I'm contradicting because I can't get a decision for a long enough time...

I was happy at one time for her...but now I mean it's old news...it's always them...always.

Anway...so I mean when I'm like this...it's not the best time for me to blog...considering I can be really mean...but oh well...everyone one day will get over it...my plan is never to burn bridges...I would hate that...I hate when people are mad at me...and most of all I hate when people don't give me the attention I need so I'm happy with them....I know that sounds really bad...but it's true...it's horrible...I hope you understand it...I go and look for the attention I need to get where I need to be...I'm leaving...I'm really tired and my MSN isn't working fucken a

later taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"I wanna new pair of shoes...a paintball gun..a boyfriend...attention...a bed...and some major hardcore sleeping pills."