okay...time to talk about the subject above...I can't believe that I've really changed...when I came into my senior year I really didn't think about this...I mean I knew that I was going to change...I just didn't think this much...I really didn't.

I've changed from being great friends with all my little senior buddies...to being friends with the freshman and now I'm on the Junior/Sophomore thing...so what's wrong with that?? Well the fact that I barely talk to my Fresman friends, Courtney and Ashley...and the other fact...I'm not friends with anyone in the Class of 2004...that is really kind of scary...just because of everything...I dunno...I mean I love the Junior Class...I mean the ones that are cool and stuff and don't think to highly of themselves...I really like the guys in that class...they're putty nice and then there are the people that totally and udderly remind me of my class...the one's that are horrible...the ones that I hate almost as much as my class...I dunno...but I guess that is just something that I have to put up with all the time...I dunno...I man it really doesn't bother me...

Anyway...the reason's why I've changed...deep down I always thought I wasn't happy...but now as the end is in sight...but far away...I realize that I am happy...that there is nothing in this world that I can't almost touch...it's kinda scary realizing this...because all through my life I've been told that I couldn't...I couldn't thouch everything...that I was just plain old holliejo and there was nothing I could do about it...but now I'm better off...I'm holliejo and I'm happy; I'm happy to be me and other things...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't realize that out of everything my life is somewhat of a good thing...it gives me power to think that all through life I've done some things on my own...sure I've cheated and what not...I've used my mulipulation[spelling] powers to get somewher...but other than that...everything is better everything I've done has got me to where I really want to be...I mean sure I'm leaving with some bad things...like not having a job...the chance that I won't come to my 5-10 year runion...that is just something that you have to face...I mean no matter how many times I hope to see everyone...I really don't know if I will...just because of everything...you know...that is something that I'm willing to sacarfice in order to be a better person...in order for me to become what I've wanted my whole life...and so with that I end this subject only to move onto the next.

I've told you a billion times that I've gotten over Stefan...and for some reason I think that you just need reassured that it's over and what not...that it doesn't matter anymore that I don't like him and don't really want him in my life...but you know me better than myself...and you know deep down there is that chance that something will change one day...but I hope it won't...you know?? I really hope it doesn't...because I've changed and I realize that: I don't need him in my life to make me feel important...that is what American friends are for...he is just here and he pissed me off and what not...and now I'm fine

On to something else...I hope that everything will be all right.