I'm soo sorry I have to post about that just because I think it is the best thing ever. I mean I know I have a horrible mind and what not. Guess what: he said "I was OKAY, because I say anything and everything on my mind." Oh yeah...that is what I'm talking about. I mean how many people have the balls to tell me this and what not...and the best thing is: he likes that I have that kind of power in myself. Also, I want to tell some friends: I love you...I mean they told me I was the nicest senior in my class...which is hella cool. And I mean I can see why people would think that I'm not the nicest person, but I mean that is only if you get on my bad side. I no longer "don't like you" because of who you are I don't like you if you are cock off and what not towards me...then watch out friends. Oh well...you'll be fine. Anyway...last hour was fun [study hall] we never do anything! Yeah...but George [y'all know him] but yeah...he was like what's this *picks up my journal*?? I'm watching him very carefully because I mean I don't remember what I wrote in there. And then he opened it! "What's this??" I tell him: "GEORGE NO!" But in a LMC voice because that is where we were. And he was like: Sorry...and I was like yeah. And then I let him read the outside...well because I love the outside. Yeah...I'm in LIKE with him...only thing is: I'll never get to whore with him. :( Which is bad...because now [well....just lunch and what not] I'll look at him and think....let's play ping pong. [<-----Courtney read :D] But, yeah I mean I'm not complaining or anything...but I'm not saying: WOW...okay BLOODY HELL HE'S WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! There is nothing more than that...I mean he isn't all that great...just WOW. He really is...I know I shouldn't be WOW-ed...but geezz...I'm sorry...just yeah...WOW. I can't bloody believe this...I really can't. I'm getting WOW-ed over a guy again. I haven't had this since...yesterday. :D No just joking. Oh...I love this. I mean I haven't posted in forever...which is hella cool. But yeah. I wrote this last night:
Please stop
Don't hurt me anymore...
The one thing that did damage
won't be filed
words..no matter what...
hurt more than physical pain...
imagine...just for a moment getting hurt
Now add words:
"Whore, Slut, Bitch, No Good Fucking Stupid Ass Daughter, Fuck You."
Now...it hurts.




I'm so sorry that is the one of the most horrible things I've ever had to say an what not. That is how I really feel, but now...here is a little something better:
Never Mind...I lost it. Okay...but it was like this:
Ever time I try to tell you no, I end up saying yes
I want to scream and yell at you but end up crying into you chest
You're the one I never wanted in my life, but now I can't see it without you

Yeah...it was something like that. I mean it wasn't all that great...but it had more and stuff...and it was something I really liked. I mean...it wasn't that hard and what not...I dunno.
Okay...I'm trying something new:
You're only supposed to be my moral support
The one that tells me everything will be okay
Always and forever...no matter what I'm here to stay
But, somehow, someway love got tangled in this
Now you're just not my moral support
You've got the power to break my heart.

It wasn't all of it and what not...it is just something. I just can't believe everything...and what not. I dunno I'm just really thinking about everything and how everything is working and how I'm going through all of this stuff and what not...I finally had Kool-Aid...yeah...finally Kool-Aid. I can't bloody believe it. I HAD kool aid...I just am soo happy. I mean everything that is going on you would of thought my pee would of been red or something. :D But, no instead I've had to live off soda, water, milk, and tea. WOW huh. I just can't bloody believe this. I just can't. SO Courtney was there [on the phone] to hear the first sallows of my Kool-Aid. It was one of those teary eyed moments like when you havnen't seen someone for a super long time and fianlly when you get to see them again you're like wow I can't believe I was without you for soo long. Although next time I'm going to make it by the gallon becasue gallons are the best.

Oh...yeah...I must voice this thought. I'm really scared. About everything. I mean what if our words don't hold strong...what if everything goes down the drain and everything falls to pieces when you come back. I mean that is really scary. I mean I just can't see what I'm going to do if that happens. I just can't face the fact that everything might fall down because of everything. I just got out of my zone I'm fully aware of the clacking of the kesy...which is cool because I dunno. I hate not being zoned...I actually get dizzy. wow. But yeah back on to him. I mean I'm really scared that is exactly what will happen...and that sucks because I can't have that happen for multiple reasons:
1. If you lied to me you know that you are going to get it from me...and I don't mean like a volleyball...I mean I'm just going to tell you all of this crap and make you feel bad.
2. If you are here and what not...I dunno what I'm supposed to be talking about.

I mean...okay on some existent me being nice is something great...but then like these "boys" are all like: Oh she is super nice and what not." And I'm like: boys settle down. Sorry just voicing some more words. I dunno. I'm must be going.