Well...I must say everything...even though many of you already know what is going on have never seen this on my blog. I figured if I could just avoid it here...everything would be fine...wow...but a big pile of lies that is. Anyway...so I was just thinking about everything and how next Tuesday is my mom's "intial trial" thing. I really don't know though. I mean I know that I had to send in certain papers and what not. And get this: my gram hoped that my mom wouldn't have to go to trail...I mean what a blow that is to hear that from your own gram. I dunno...also I'm really worried about everything...because that guy was really neat and all and he just said stuff about getting beat and stuff...and I wasn't beat...I was hit...the one thing that did damage...won't be filed...you all know this...I was hurt by the words. I mean words do so much more...you should know this. Everyone should. Really means something with me...and you know this. But, yeah I was like: I can't do this. I really can't. Because no matter how many times I tell myself it wasn't my fault and everything...there is always going to be that certain something in the back of my head thinking otherwise...I can't hold it all back no matter how hard I try...it is just one of those things that I can't take. I'll be at the trial thing...at least I hope not...but prolly have to testify...and the scares the living shit out of me...well you know. And everything...and it won't be like: what are you feeling now...do you feel emotionally unstable..anything like that...it will be like: did she leaves marks...yeah phyiscal marks...because our government doesn't understand what is going on in society...the human mind can be a very delicate thing...and it can't be tossed around like a rag doll...I could almost care less that she left marks on my BODY...the one thing that I do care about is the fact that she told me that she was going to kill me...honestly...I really mean it. It doesn't matter....it really doesn't. I didn't want her to hit me anymore...but I wanted the words to really stop...like it was just one of those things. No one really understands...and that is fine. I think I'm going to walk home from the library...I'm so fucked. I'm out.