So corny. Yes, you broke my promise, oh well...life goes on. I told someone that you weren't on when you promised me you were going to, but she told me: not to worry, you prolly had very good reason not to be on. I mean I thought maybe you were shopping for like 8 hours...cuz I know that I could :D But, yeah I'm all good I mean I know that you almost know the whole ordeal, but still I really wanted to talk to you! You know?? I just really wanted to talk to you and I really needed to be able to talk to you. I just love talking to you. I mean when I was talking to you, I dunno. I felt distant from you. I don't mean like: "OH I LIVE HERE AND YOU LIVE THERE" I mean I felt: "Oh...well I have to go soon...please don't ramble on to much longer, oh you love me?? Really?? After everything I hear from you?? You love me?? I mean...you have all of those guys?? And graduation?? You're not goin, oh well??" That's how I thought you felt. For real. Like I just felt like you really didn't care you just were there...and that was it. Not like old times. I know that you might have reason to be pissed off at me..and that's cool...I mean I just wish you would tell me. I mean when you told me that you would let me go and find someone else....and you just wanted me to be happy. Wow. I wanted to cry...but I couldn't cuz I was in a library. :D But, yeah. I hope that everything will be better. I mean...yeah like everyone wanted me to tell you and stuff...and I wouldn't really feel right just telling you on my blog and what not. God...I'm procrastinating like you wouldn't believe. Oh well...I should be fine.

Anyway...I'm really tired. Like super tired. I got back home at like 12:20 and watched television and did some stuff until 2:45. I fell alsleep and then woke up at 6:00. I ate some roast and watched some Alfred Hitchcock [spelling] movie. Which I selpt through half of it. Then I watch some of the NBA All-Star Game. Until 9:30, only to fall alsleep again! Yes, yesterday was horrible. I did nothing. Oh wait! I managed to get 1.3 paragraphs done for Mass Media. Which I really think Stefan is going to help me with later in the year! :D But, yeah...today is going good...besides the fact that I'm really tired and I'm really drained.

You know...I just want you all to know. That I'm not milking this for all its worth. Honestly. I'm not. I just really need a break from it all. And I just really need to explain this...cuz if I talk to you about it I'll cry. [Ashley]

I try to be myself around people [and you already know this] that I don't know, but I can't because I'm scared shitless. I mean you may not think so and people think that I'm one of the most out going people you may know. But, not deep down. Deep down I'm scared of what people think, deep down I'm shy. I'm really shy. I'm soo shy...in new places I don't really talk. At all. That's the truth. Just because. I mean I'm around you guys [the school placed in a very general group] everyday. "You guys" can read me. It is one of those things. So...when I'm out I'm scared "people" [in general] can read me too. Therefore, if they can read me...they will know A LOT about me...and I really don't need that. That's all...I'm really insecure.

What I make things into...well that is bad. Just because the smallest things are the things that make me: well hollie. The things that I don't need in my life...the small things are the things that make me angry the things that make me mad and stuff. The things that make me just...GRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! So...when all of these small things come together...well you get it.

Ummm...I dunno. I just really think a lot. That is another problem. Cuz with all of that thinking...well you know.

I was just thinking...this post really isn't making a lot of sense right now...well because I'm tired. I cried on Sunday morning/Sat. Night, but I don't remember why now. I just remember telling you that I had to talk to you and telling you the story and telling you why I cared...and then I just remember you leaving. That's all. Oh...I felt distant from you. You know?? That's all. Now I feel like I'm not going to get to talk to you for a superbly long time and that makes me sad to. I dunno. I'm just thinking. That's all. I'm going now to do nothing and to think a little more. Okay??

Later Taters
holliejo

Hollie's Thought of the Day:
"Thinking...just thinking...I have an 18 step proof in Geometry that I have to remember...and I know I won't...but yet...I can remember the score to the All-Star Game...which is horrible for me...considering I'm against ESPN SportCenter in the Morning and the show call Cold Pizza. OH NO!!! What am I gong to do?? EAST: 132 WEST: 136. Dale Jr. Won the Daytona 500. What is the world coming to??"