Well...I have something to do today...I'm really super nervous about it. I have to take my Driver's Skills Test...I'm super nervous. I don't really show it, but it is there. I dunno. I'm really super worried and I don't want to be. I dunno. I'm feeling this one guy...I dunno I'd bet anything Stefan will/would be super pissed about it. But, whatever...I haven't talked to him in three weeks...I mean I know he cares and I know that it is getting to the point that he is going to be home, but you know...that doesn't really mean anything to me. I mean, I love him so much...but we aren't going out and we aren't going to be together for the time being...it is just one of those things and I'm pretty sure that he realizes this too. I mean he was the one to tell me about it. But, this guy he is superb to. I mean, he is super nice, he's really smart, and he gots it going on [he has really hot shoes]. No it isn't the *all-star* b-ball player everyone might get from the description. Fact is...he isn't all that hot, but he gots it going on. He is really super nice and stuff. I know Stefan is prolly like: "Oh fuck" but yeah...get over it. I'm still going to be here...and I'm scared to prusue anything...so I guess that is what is going on. I'm just going to tell you all about it, because that is what my blog is for. So, now I guess I sould say some superb things about Stefan: I'm always going to be here for you. I'm always going to be your friend. I'll always care. I'll always...everything. I just care and you should know this. But for right now...I'm going to set you on the back burner because that is what I need to do. Okay? I'm really super sorry. I just can't worry about you sooo much. You are there I am here. You know? I know how many times we have discussed this. BRB...Back. Sorry. Anyway. Stefan...we don't know where we stand we just are two people that want something in life...but we don't know how we are going to get it...so we turn to each other, maybe because we are best friends...or may be because we are just scared of everything else. I dunno. I just thought that this whole thing is important. I care about you sooo much. I just really want you to know that. I dunno what I would do without you in my life. You know? Like I have a "crush" on this guy...but I love you. But, you are soo far away. You know?? I know you realize this. And it has taken me a really long time for me to see this...but now that I do...I don't want you to get hurt. It has been a long time since I've heard from you...it has been even longer since I have talked to you. Our lives are bound together somehow...but I want out...just to see. That's all. I want you to see this too.

Okay...so I'm going to keep on posting. You know?? I dunno. I really don't know what I want to post about...but it is going to be about someithing. I just thought you ought to know. I dunno. You know?? I dunno. I just don't. I think this could be a really big problem. Becasue I honestly want to prusue something. I really do. I just don't want you all out and angry at me. Cuz I totally need you in my life. I really do. You don't understand. Like you are just that one person [I dunno how many times I have said this] that has made my life at Ithaca a little easier. You are him and I'm me. The two people that no one ever thought was going to be together; then they look now and they freak. It is one of those things that can't be explained. I dunno? I just don't anymore. I really don't. Because I want you to come back and be like: "Oh I missed you and I hope we can spend lots of time together." I don't want to be like: "I can't believe you filled me with tones of crap." I dunno. Cuz I didn't you know? I didn't. I have had these small-school-girl crushes forever...and I want them to stop after high school...so therefore I have to get it out of my system. I just have to. And I'm getting really sick of people asking if we are together...I have to tell them no, but there is somehting. I dunno. I really don't.