And that is the truth. No one does...a few but not many. I'm serious! Do you really think someone can have that much energy everyday? Do you really think that I'm always happy that nothing can stop me? Where in reality...this is me. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. I used to pray to God to let me die when I sleep. I used to pretend to be in my own world...where emotions were only good and nothing could touch me. But, eveything touches me...everyword stabs into me like a brand new steak knife. Everything hurts me. I'm not strong...I'm very weak. And nothing...can help me. I don't feel like talking but I have to get this off of me. I love this guy and he knows it. Okay? Well...I don't think he knows anything about me. I'm not always happy...I'm almost always hurting. I have bi-polor [or at least that is what we like to think]. I don't feel like going to school anymore. I don't know...I feel like crying today at lunch I cried because Ashley was teasing me about how she was going to get chocolate and I wasn't. I cried because of that. I cried because I talked about what I did once. I cry because I miss my family. I cry just because. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be somewhere else. I want to be happy. I want to...I dunno. Don't be scared I don't want to be dead. I want to be somewhere else though. I want to learn to be independent. I want to learn to just be Hollie...I'm smart and I don't think people see that. And I want them too. Okay? I just want to be happy.