Me and you against the world. Yeah…well I think you kicked me off that train. And now you are the one making headway, forgetting all about our little happiness, that we were something that very few people understood. Little did you know…you understood me in every way possible. You knew when I was lying, you knew when I wanted to cry. Yet, now you are leaving that all behind to become something. I don’t want to know what that something is…or what it will become. All I know [or feel for that matter] is that I lost a friend. A true friend, not something that will leave me because I’m this way or that. I have a friend that understands that I’m Hollie and I feel totally different about everything. Hollie is something magical in her words. I feel happy when I have a pen and paper, but sad when I everything a girl my age could almost wish for. She understood me and made my life into something. Now I’m the girl on her own discovering something on her own, I’m the girl that wants to fit in, and I’m the girl who has things on her mind that only crazy people think about. But, I’m happy for that girl in a sense, because that girl has others [not just me] to lean on…I couldn’t always be there for that friend. I knew I that…and in a sense I think she did too. I knew that one day she would discover something new…something made up of her dreams that only she could uncode…something that made her different. And for about 30 seconds I understood her. Of course…she is so much more that she says she is…and she knows that. Her magic in writing makes the simple falling of a leaf into something beautiful and becoming. I will never be able to do that. I know that now. I will always be me…I know now that. I want to say thank you. For you helped me discover that I’m Hollie always was and will always be. I really am. I know now that when I finally realize that I’m really grown up and that I’m really something more than this…I will be happy because it was in me the whole time. I feel that this entry is something more than just that: an entry. I feel this is me at my peak and only now I will fall into a great black hole. I will need someone there to catch me before, because I can feel that there is no turning back after I jump.

I’m printing this off so I have something to be proud of. I’m leaving it all behind though too. I can’t say “no longer”, but I can say something is going to change. I can feel it within my body. Something is going to come out soon. I feel it building I can feel it coming now up my throat and through my mouth. But, wait…there is nothing, nothing now but tears. Tears of joy, anger, happiness, sadness, any emotion that can take place in my mind is here…coming out into something that is more than I could ever imagine. I don’t know where all this is coming from…there is no thought of the day…just the many thoughts that run trough my brain and out into the keyboard. I can feel everything in my head. I want to run and do something more, but I can’t. I feel blocked and unloved. For now I will be fine, but I can’t say why. I really can’t. What is this feeling I feel? I want to know…but I must say I love you. He just came to me…and right now I would like to do nothing, but see him and tell him how I feel. But I can’t say in complete sentences…it is more like little words between the deep sighs and sharp intakes of breath that make me choke. I don’t know how I feel about him…but I know I love him. Too many things are going on right now for me to continue. But I feel obligated that I have too. I have to make sure Everyone knows how I feel, that there is more to me than just this “empty” shell and giggles. I’m Hollie and that is just something in its self.